Artists -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Jews -- England -- London -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
This now, with Hetty, was in its way happiness, though he detested it
and her. It was an escape. It was easy. It made no demands on him,
save the small effort to achieve self-forgetfulness, and in that she
aided him, for she seemed superior to himself and enviable in the
clearness of her purpose. She offered herself and made no demands upon
him except of what could cost him nothing: just a few words to his
friends, a start in her chosen profession.
All the same, he was horrified at himself. Every other crisis and
sudden change in his life had been attended with violent suffering, an
eruption within himself, profound depression, almost a collapse. This
had been as easy as walking through a door, a slipping from one part
of his being to another. . . . Here suddenly was happiness, a queer
detached, almost indifferent condition, full of pleasure, and he
rejoiced in the novelty of it. He watched Hetty draw on her clothes
again and was sickened by the sensual languor of her movements. She
was drowsy, like a cat before a fire.
"No, I certainly shan't draw you to-day."
"What about to-morrow?"
"I shall be painting to-morrow."
"I do think you're a devil sometimes."
"I'll take you to the Paris Café, if you like."
"Will you?"
She perked up on that. She had not expected so soon to gain her
desire.
"Yes. If you've got to earn your living you should meet people, and
the sooner you get going the better."
Hetty sat with her chin in her hands, crouched in elation. Everything
had turned out as she had hoped and planned, as she had willed that it
should, and she regarded him with some contempt because he had been so
easy and because he was so young. She was the same age as he, but she
thought him a little vain boy. Yet when he looked at her she was
afraid of him, for he knew so much and guessed so much more. To defend
herself, her instinct drove through to his vanity and flattered it to
blind him. She feigned an animation she was incapable of feeling to
make herself more beautiful in his eyes, and he thought of his
friends, Mitchell and Weldon, and how they would be stirred with her.
He thought how she would please Calthrop, and he was lured into
believing that he would gain in importance through her.
"You've come at a very bad time," he said. "They'll all be going away
for the summer."
"Oh!" she looked dashed, hating to be caught out in a mistake. "Do
they go away for long?"
"Three months."
"Oh, well!" she drawled. "I can get a place if nothing turns up. But
something always does turn up. I'm one of the lucky ones, you know."
"I don't believe in luck," said he, with a sudden irruption of the old
self that seemed to have been left so far behind.
"I must go now," she said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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