And after every such fall he thought more contemptuously of Mary Ann.
Idealise her as he might, see all that was best in her as he tried to
do, she remained common and commonplace enough. Her ingenuousness,
while from one point of view it was charming, from another was but a
pleasant synonym for silliness. And it might not be ingenuousness--or
silliness--after all! For was Mary Ann as innocent as she looked? The
guilelessness of the dove might very well cover the wisdom of the
serpent. The instinct--the repugnance that made him sponge off her
first kiss from his lips--was probably a true instinct. How was it
possible a girl of that class should escape the sordid attentions of
street swains? Even when she was in the country she was well-nigh of
woo-able age, the likely cynosure of neighbouring ploughboys' eyes.
And what of the other lodgers?
A finer instinct--that of a gentleman--kept him from putting any
questions to Mary Ann. Indeed, his own delicacy repudiated the images
that strove to find entry in his brain, even as his fastidiousness
shrank from realising the unlovely details of Mary Ann's daily
duties--these things disgusted him more with himself than with her.
And yet he found himself acquiring a new and illogical interest in the
boots he met outside doors. Early one morning he went half-way up the
second flight of stairs--a strange region where his own boots had never
before trod--but came down ashamed and with fluttering heart as if he
had gone up to steal boots instead of to survey them. He might have
asked Mary Ann or her "missus" who the other tenants were, but he
shrank from the topic. Their hours were not his, and he only once
chanced on a fellow-man in the passage, and then he was not sure it was
not the tax-collector. Besides, he was not really interested--it was
only a flicker of idle curiosity as to the actual psychology of Mary
Ann. That he did not really care he proved to himself by kissing her
next time. He accepted her as she was--because she was there. She
brightened his troubled life a little, and he was quite sure he
brightened hers. So he drifted on, not worrying himself to mean any
definite harm to her. He had quite enough worry with those
music-publishers.
The financial outlook was, indeed, becoming terrifying. He was glad
there was nobody to question him, for he did not care to face the
facts. Peter's threat of becoming a regular visitor had been nullified
by his father despatching him to Germany to buy up some more Teutonic
patents. "Wonderful are the ways of Providence!" he had written to
Lancelot. "If I had not flown in the old man's face and picked up a
little German here years ago, I should not be half so useful to him
now. . . . I shall pay a flying visit to Leipsic--not on business."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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