When they met, she faltered some commonplace observation about the
night. To her astonishment, Christian Lillie replied at once. It might
be that she saw Anne's agitation--it might be that she also longed to
know Norman's sister. That she knew her to be so, Anne could not doubt:
her melancholy contemplation of Merkland--her evident start and
surprise, when they formerly met upon the sands, made that certain.
"Yes," said Christian Lillie, in a voice of singular sadness, "it is a
beautiful night."
The words were of the slightest--the tone and manner, the drawing in of
that long breath, spoke powerfully. This, then, was her one
pleasure--this gentle air of night was the balm of her wearied spirit.
"The mist is clearing away," said Anne, tremulously. "Yonder lights on
the Fife shore are clear now--do you see them?"
"Ay, I see them," was the answer. "Cheerful and pleasant they look here.
Who knows what weariness and misery--what vain hopes and sick hearts
they may be lighting."
"Let us not think so," said Anne, gently. "While we do not know that our
hopes are vain we still have pleasure in them."
"I have seen you more than once before," said Christian Lillie. "You are
not, or your face is untrue, one to think of vain pleasure at an
after-cost of pain. Hopes!--I knew what they were once--I know now what
it is to feel the death of them: what think you of the vain toils that
folk undergo for a hope? the struggle and the vigils, and the sickness
of its deferring? I see light burning yonder through all the watches of
the night--what can it be but the fever of some hope that keeps them
always shining? I saw yours in your window last night, when everybody
near was at rest but myself. What is it that keeps you wakeful but some
hope?"
"You know me then--you know what my hope is?" said Anne, eagerly.
"No," said Christian. "Tell it not to me. I have that in me that blights
hope--and the next thing after a blighted hope, is a broken heart. It is
wonderful--God shield you, from the knowledge--how long a mortal body
will hold by life after there is a broken heart within it! I think
sometimes that it is only us who know how strong life is--not the
hopeful and joyous, but us, who are condemned to bear the burden--us,
who drag these days out as a slave drags a chain."
"Do not say so," said Anne. Her companion spoke with the utmost
calmness--there was a blank composure about her, which told more
powerfully even than her words, the death of hope.--"There can be no
life, however sorrowful, that has not an aim--an expectation."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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