Merrie England in the Olden Time, Vol. 1Daniel, George
General
Merrie England in the Olden Time, Vol. 1
Daniel, George
England -- Social life and customs
Sounding the depths of his capacious intellect, his cogitative faculties
were “in cogibundity of cogitation.” He soon rallied with, “How's the
generality of things in general?”
It was now Uncle Timothy's and Mr. Bosky's turn to be posed! But the
interrogator relieved them by suddenly recollecting the object of his
mission--“I'm come, Mister Timviddy-”
“If, sir, you mean to address me,” said the satirical-nosed gentleman,
“my name is not Timwiddy, but-”
“Timkins,” interrupted Mr. Muff.
“Anything you please,” rejoined Uncle Timothy, with the most
contemptuous acquiescence. “Call me Alexander, Wat Tyler, Abelard, Joe
Grimaldi, Scipio Africanus, Martin Van Butchell.”
“Ve vont quarrel about Christun names, Mister Timtiffin. Plain
Timvig vill do for me. The Muffs and all that's a-skin to'em is not
over-purtickler about names.”
Here the poll parrot, that had been listening to and scrutinizing the
intruder from head to foot, struck up the old song,
“Don't you know the muffin man!
Don't you know his name?”
“A comical sort of a bird that is!” remarked the master mason. “I'm
come, I say, Mister Tumvhim to fetch you to Mrs. Flumgarten; for she
says it's werry mystified, but you gay-looking, dandyfied, middle-aged
gentlemen, (Mrs. Flumgarten hates gay-looking, dandified, middle-aged
gentlemen,) are awful loiterers by the vay. You can't see a smart bonnet
or a pretty turn'd ankle, but you old galhant gay Lotharios must stop
and look after'em; and that, she says, is werry low--and the Muffs,
Fubsys, and Flumgartens hates vhat's low.”
Uncle Timothy made a low bow.
“Mrs. Flumgarten von't go to the Museum: she could abide the
stuffed birds and monkeys; but she can't a-bear old war-ses, and old
bronze-eyes. She hates, too, them Algerine (Elgin?) marbles.”
The middle-aged gentleman inwardly rejoiced at Mrs. Flumgarten's
antipathies.
“And she von't go to the play, for Mrs. Flumgarten hates your acting
nonsensical mock stuff; and she don't think she'll go to the Fancy Fair,
for Mrs. Flumgarten--it's wery funny that--hates fun.”
At this moment, Mr. Bosky's Louis Quatorze clock struck a musical
quarter, and the parrot responded with two lines from one of the
laureat's lyrics;
“Quick! quick! be off in a crack;
Cut your stick, or'twill be on your back!”
and a tag (the schoolmaster had been abroad in Little Britain!)
for which my Lord Mayor--the conservator of city morals and the
Thames--would have fined him five shillings.
“That Poll parrot swears like a Chrishtun!” Mr. Muff then took hold of
Uncle Timothy's arm, adding, “If ye don't make haste, Mrs. Flumgarten
vill look as bitter as a duck biled vith camomile-flowers.”
Within my solitary bow'r
I saw a quarter of an hour
Fly heavily along!
Mr. Bosky's quarter flew by the “fast flying waggon that flies on broad
wheels!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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