Humorous stories, American; United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction; War stories, American
“Well, times had been getting rougher and rougher for prophets,—that is,
prophets of Isaac’s denomination. There were four hundred and fifty
prophets of Baal in the community, and only one Presbyterian; that is,
if Isaac _was_ a Presbyterian, which I reckon he was, but it don’t say.
Naturally, the prophets of Baal took all the trade. Isaac was pretty
low-spirited, I reckon, but he was a good deal of a man, and no doubt he
went a-prophesying around, letting on to be doing a land-office
business, but ’t wa’n’t any use; he couldn’t run any opposition to
amount to anything. By and by things got desperate with him; he sets his
head to work and thinks it all out, and then what does he do? Why, he
begins to throw out hints that the other parties are this and that and
t’other,—nothing very definite, may be, but just kind of undermining
their reputation in a quiet way. This made talk, of course, and finally
got to the king. The king asked Isaac what he meant by his talk. Says
Isaac, ‘Oh, nothing particular; only, can they pray down fire from
heaven on an altar? It ain’t much, maybe, your majesty, only can they
_do_ it? That’s the idea.’ So the king was a good deal disturbed, and he
went to the prophets of Baal, and they said, pretty airy, that if he had
an altar ready, _they_ were ready; and they intimated he better get it
insured, too.
“So next morning all the children of Israel and their parents and the
other people gathered themselves together. Well, here was that great
crowd of prophets of Baal packed together on one side, and Isaac walking
up and down all alone on the other, putting up his job. When time was
called, Isaac let on to be comfortable and indifferent; told the other
team to take the first innings. So they went at it, the whole four
hundred and fifty, praying around the altar, very hopeful, and doing
their level best. They prayed an hour,—two hours,—three hours,—and so
on, plumb till noon. It wa’n’t any use; they had n’t took a trick. Of
course they felt kind of ashamed before all those people, and well they
might. Now, what would a magnanimous man do? Keep still, wouldn’t he? Of
course. What did Isaac do? He gravelled the prophets of Baal every way
he could think of. Says he, ‘You don’t speak up loud enough; your god’s
asleep, like enough, or may be he’s taking a walk; you want to holler,
you know,’—or words to that effect; I don’t recollect the exact
language. Mind, I don’t apologize for Isaac; he had his faults.
“Well, the prophets of Baal prayed along the best they knew how all the
afternoon, and never raised a spark. At last, about sundown, they were
all tuckered out, and they owned up and quit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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