“But it _wasn’t_ ‘such a time as this.’ There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. How could _I_ know there was going to be all this rumpus and powwow about a little slip like that? And I don’t think it’s just fair for you to make so much out of it, any way, seeing it happens so seldom; I haven’t missed before since I brought on that earthquake, four years ago.” “MORTIMER! How you talk! Have you forgotten the yellow fever?” “My dear, you are always throwing up the yellow fever to me, and I think it is perfectly unreasonable. You can’t even send a telegraphic message as far as Memphis without relays, so how is a little devotional slip of mine going to carry so far? I’ll _stand_ the earthquake, because it was in the neighborhood; but I’ll be hanged if I’m going to be responsible for every blamed—” [_Fzt!_—BOOM _beroom_-boom! boom!—BANG!] “Oh, dear, dear, dear! I _know_ it struck something, Mortimer. We never shall see the light of another day; and if it will do you any good to remember, when we are gone, that your dreadful language—_Mortimer_!” “WELL! What now?” “Your voice sounds as if— Mortimer, are you actually standing in front of that open fireplace?” “That is the very crime I am committing.” “Get away from it, this moment. You do seem determined to bring destruction on us all. Don’t you _know_ that there is no better conductor for lightning than an open chimney? _Now_ where have you got to?” “I’m here by the window.” “Oh, for pity’s sake, have you lost your mind? Clear out from there, this moment. The very children in arms know it is fatal to stand near a window in a thunder-storm. Dear, dear, I know I shall never see the light of another day. Mortimer?” “Yes?” “What is that rustling?” “It’s me.” “What are you doing?” “Trying to find the upper end of my pantaloons.” “Quick! throw those things away! I do believe you would deliberately put on those clothes at such a time as this; yet you know perfectly well that _all_ authorities agree that woolen stuffs attract lightning. Oh, dear, dear, it isn’t sufficient that one’s life must be in peril from natural causes, but you must do everything you can possibly think of to augment the danger. Oh, _don’t_ sing! What _can_ you be thinking of?” “Now where’s the harm in it?” “Mortimer, if I have told you once, I have told you a hundred times, that singing causes vibrations in the atmosphere which interrupt the flow of the electric fluid, and—What on _earth_ are you opening that door for?” “Goodness gracious, woman, is there is any harm in _that_?” “_Harm?_ There’s _death_ in it. Anybody that has given this subject any attention knows that to create a draught is to invite the lightning. You haven’t half shut it; shut it _tight_,—and do hurry, or we are all destroyed. Oh, it is an awful thing to be shut up with a lunatic at such a time as this. Mortimer, what _are_ you doing?” “Nothing. Just turning on the water. This room is smothering hot and close. I want to bathe my face and hands.”