“They are superbly, triumphantly, providentially crude and you know
it. Eugene must lend dignity to the enterprise. He has a solemn and
highly respectable misunderstanding of philosophy which will appeal
to his fellow intellectuals. He and they are quite alike: liberal,
ineffectual, scrupulous, unsuperstitious, irresolute and lonely.
When he addresses them they will get immediately his range, you might
say, pick up his frequency, realizing he is one of them, a man to be
trusted. Once they are reached the game is over, or begun.” Clarissa
paused and looked at me expectantly, the exuberant malice veiled by
excitement.
I didn’t answer immediately. Hastings, as a former writer, felt that he
too had been addressed and he worried the subject of “tone” while Paul
gravely added a comment or two. Clarissa watched me, however, conscious
perhaps of the wound she had dealt.
Was it all really so simple? was _I_ so simple? so typical? Vanity said
not, but self-doubt, the shadow which darkens even those triumphs held
at noon, prevailed for a sick moment or two: I was no different from
the others, from the little pedagogues and analysts, the self-obsessed
and spiritless company who endured shame and a sense of alienation
without even that conviction of virtue which can dispel guilt and
apathy for the simple, for all those who have accepted without question
one of the systems of absolutes which it has amused both mystics and
tyrants to construct for man’s guidance.
I had less baggage to rid myself of than the others: I was confident of
that. Neither Christianity nor Marxism nor the ugly certainties of the
mental therapists had ever engaged my loyalty or suspended my judgment.
I had looked at them all, deploring their admirers and servants,
interested though by their separate views of society and of the
potentialities of a heaven on earth (the medieval conception of a world
beyond life was always interesting to contemplate even if the evidence
in its favor was whimsical at best ... conceived either as a system of
rewards and punishments to control living man or else as lovely visions
of what might be were man indeed consubstantial with a creation which
so often resembled the personal aspirations of gifted divines rather
more closely than that universe the rest of us can only observe with
mortal eyes). No, I had had to dispose of relatively little baggage
and, I like to think, less than my more thoughtful contemporaries who
were forever analyzing themselves, offering their psyches to doctors
for analysis or, worse, giving their immortal souls into the hands of
priests who would then assume much of their _weltschmerz_, providing
them with a set of grown-up games every bit as appealing as the ones of
childhood which had involved make-believe or, finally, worst of all,
the soft acceptance of the idea of man the mass, of man the citizen, of
society the organic whole for whose greater good all individuality must
be surrendered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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