He would often lie there the whole night through, not sleeping a wink
but scratching at the leather for hours on end. Or he might go to all
the effort of pushing a chair to the window, climbing up onto the sill
and, propped up in the chair, leaning on the window to stare out of it.
He had used to feel a great sense of freedom from doing this, but doing
it now was obviously something more remembered than experienced, as
what he actually saw in this way was becoming less distinct every day,
even things that were quite near; he had used to curse the ever-present
view of the hospital across the street, but now he could not see it at
all, and if he had not known that he lived in Charlottenstrasse, which
was a quiet street despite being in the middle of the city, he could
have thought that he was looking out the window at a barren waste where
the grey sky and the grey earth mingled inseparably. His observant
sister only needed to notice the chair twice before she would always
push it back to its exact position by the window after she had tidied
up the room, and even left the inner pane of the window open from then
on.
If Gregor had only been able to speak to his sister and thank her for
all that she had to do for him it would have been easier for him to
bear it; but as it was it caused him pain. His sister, naturally, tried
as far as possible to pretend there was nothing burdensome about it,
and the longer it went on, of course, the better she was able to do so,
but as time went by Gregor was also able to see through it all so much
better. It had even become very unpleasant for him, now, whenever she
entered the room. No sooner had she come in than she would quickly
close the door as a precaution so that no-one would have to suffer the
view into Gregor’s room, then she would go straight to the window and
pull it hurriedly open almost as if she were suffocating. Even if it
was cold, she would stay at the window breathing deeply for a little
while. She would alarm Gregor twice a day with this running about and
noise making; he would stay under the couch shivering the whole while,
knowing full well that she would certainly have liked to spare him this
ordeal, but it was impossible for her to be in the same room with him
with the windows closed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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