“Just tell me about it, Mr. Freder!” he said. “I do not think there are
many things which seem insuperable to me since I sprang, as though from
heaven to earth, from the aeroplane which was steered by a dead man.
Also,” he continued in a soft voice, “I learnt in one single night that
one can bear very much when one has some one near one who keeps watch,
asks nothing and is simply there.”
“I am mad, Josaphat,” said Freder. “But—I don’t know if it is any
consolation—I am not the only one....”
Josaphat was silent. His patient hand lay motionless on Freder’s
shoulder.
And suddenly, as though his soul were an over-filled vessel, which had
lost its balance, toppled over and poured out in streams, Freder began
to speak. He told his friend the story of Maria, from the moment of
their first meeting in the “Club of Sons,” to when they saw each other
again right down under the earth in the City of the Dead—his waiting
for her in the cathedral, his experiences in Rotwang’s house, his vain
search, the curt “no” at Maria’s home, up to the moment when, for her
sake, he wanted to be the murderer of his own father—no, not for her
sake: for that of a being who was not there, whom he only believed
himself to see....
“Was that not madness—?”
“Hallucination, Mr. Freder....”
“Hallucination—? I will tell you some more about hallucination,
Josaphat, and you mustn’t believe that I am speaking in delirium
or that I am not fully master of my thoughts. I wanted to kill my
father.... It was not my fault that the attempt at parricide was
unsuccessful.... But ever since that moment I have not been human....
I am a creature that has no feet, no hands and hardly a head. And this
head is only there eternally to think that I wanted to kill my own
father. Do you believe that I shall ever get free from this hell—?
Never, Josaphat. Never—never in all eternity. I lay during the night
hearing my father walking up and down in the next room. I lay in the
depths of a black pit; but my thoughts ran along behind my father’s
steps, as though chained to his soles. What horror has come upon the
world that this could happen? Is there a comet in the heavens which
drives mankind to madness? Is a fresh plague coming, or Anti-Christ?
Or the end of the world? A woman, who does not exist, forces herself
between father and son and incites the son to murder against the
father.... It may be that my thoughts were running themselves a little
hot at the time.... Then my father came in to me....”
He stopped and his wasted hands twisted themselves together upon his
damp hair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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