Minerva's Manoeuvres: The Cheerful Facts of a "Return to Nature"Loomis, Charles Battell
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Minerva's Manoeuvres: The Cheerful Facts of a "Return to Nature"
Loomis, Charles Battell
Country life -- Fiction; Household employees -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Married people -- Fiction; New England -- Fiction
My denial of his request worked on the sensibilities of my
unknown neighbour to such an extent that he was moved to tears.
Amid his maudlin sobs he said,
“Pa’a, if you came to my house in dea’ night an’ as’ me for mash
I’d leshu have one. I’m kin’ hearted, pa’a. On’y one mash I as’
an’ pa’a refuses. My pipe’ gone out an’ pa’a has box’s mashes
an’ he can’ fin’ one.”
It did seem a little like a disobliging spirit and I moved to
the bureau to get one, but Ethel said,
“Don’t give him one. He’ll set himself on fire or else set fire
to the grass. Tell him to go away.”
Ethel has a horror of drunken gentlemen or even drunken men, who
are not gentlemen, and I could do no more than respect her
wishes.
I leaned out of the window and said in very much the tone one
would assume in talking to a wilful little dog,
“Now go home. Go right home. You may catch cold if you stay
here. I can’t let you have a match.”
“Papa, if I caught cold ni’ like this I’d know wha’ do with it.
Mos’ hot ’nough to ligh’ my pipe. Goo’ bye, papa. Mos’
unneighbourly, papa.” He rose from his seat and swayed down the
walk until he came to the gate.
“Papa, I shut your gate for you. No har’ feelin’s, papa. Mos’
unneighbourly, but I shu’ your gate.”
And muttering and stumbling, he went along to his home.
Ethel, with an absence of logic that must have been due to the
heat, lay awake for an hour in fear that the matchless man would
set fire to the house in revenge, but we did not hear from him
again.
Next morning I found a pipe in the grass not far from the gate.
I said nothing about it to Ethel, but when opportunity offered I
showed it to James and asked him if he knew whose it was.
“Looks like Sam Adams’s,” said he. “Yes, there’s S. A. scratched
on the bowl.”
I knew Sam Adams (fictitious name) to be a hard working farmer
of some thirty years of age, a young married man with an adoring
wife and pretty baby and with a lack of tact that I have never
ceased to wonder at I resolved to restore the pipe to him. I
learned from Bert that once in a while he would go down to
Grange Meeting and would stop on the way back for beverages that
he did not need.
The opportunity soon offered itself. I was out walking by myself
one Sunday afternoon and I came on him inspecting some buckwheat
that was coming along finely.
I leaned on the fence that separated us and passed the time of
day with him.
He was cordial, as he always was.
“Nice hay weather,” said I, a phrase that I had picked up very
easily and worked a good deal.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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