American fiction -- 19th century; Love stories; Romance fiction, American
And then he had gradually drifted into his artistic and literary
pursuits, and his success had roused his vanity. He would be something
more than the rest; and, incited by this noble motive, and his real
love for the work, he had made himself something more. He had had no
higher incentive than this vanity, and a fancy for popularity. It was
not unpleasant to be pointed out as a genius--a man who, having no need
to labor, had the whim to labor as hard when the mood seized, as the
poorest Bohemian among them, and who would be paid for his work, too.
“They will give me praise for nothing,” he would say, sardonically.
“They won’t give me money for nothing. As long as they will pay me, my
work means something. When it ceases to be worth a price, it is not
worth my time.”
The experience of this evening had been a bad thing altogether for
Anstruthers. It had roused in him much of sleeping evil. His meeting
with Lisbeth Crespigny had been, as he told her, wholly unexpected. And
because it had been unexpected, its effect had double force. He did not
want to see her. If he had been aware of her presence in the house he
was going to visit, he would have avoided it as he would have avoided
the plague. The truth was, that in these days she had, in his mind,
become the embodiment of all that was unnatural, and hard, and false.
And meeting her suddenly, face to face, every bitter memory of her
had come back to him with a fierce shock. When he had turned, as Mrs.
Despard spoke, and had seen her standing in the doorway, framed in, as
it were, with vines and flowers, and tropical plants, he had almost
felt that he could turn on his heel and walk out of the room without a
word of explanation. She would know well enough what it meant. Being
the man he was, his eye had taken in at a glance every artistic effect
about her; and she was artistic enough; for when Lisbeth Crespigny
was not artistic she was nothing. He saw that the promise of her own
undeveloped girlhood had fulfilled itself after its own rare, peculiar
fashion, doubly and trebly. He saw in her what other men seldom
saw at first sight, but always learned afterward, and his sense of
repulsion and anger against her was all the more intense. Having been
such a girl, what might she not be as such a woman? Having borne such
blossoms, what could the fruit be but hard and bitter at the core? Only
his ever-ruling vanity saved him from greeting her with some insane,
caustic speech. Vanity will serve both men and women a good turn, by
chance, sometimes, and his saved him from making a blatant idiot of
himself--barely saved him. And having got through this, it was not
soothing to hear that she had stood, in her sly way, and looked at him
under her eyelashes, and laughed. He knew how she would laugh. He had
heard her laugh at people in that quiet fashion, when she was fifteen,
and the sound had always hurt him, through its suggestion of some
ungirlish satire he could not grasp, and which was not worthy of so
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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