What it was she could scarcely define, save that there were now long
lines on her cheek where once there had been curves, that her eyes were
perhaps less bright, that gray hairs had begun to appear, and that
certainly she had less color than formerly. All these changes had not
come in a day, and yet in a day, in an hour, Miss Theodora realized
them. As she looked in the mirror and saw that her gray hairs were still
few enough to count, she glanced below the glass to the little faded
photograph on the table. John had passed into the land of perpetual
youth, and William, that other, had he begun to show the marks of age?
Thus she wondered as she gazed at the young man with the longish, thick
hair, at which Ernest had sometimes laughed. But she seldom let her mind
wander in this direction, and she turned it now toward other friends of
her girlhood, of whom some occasionally flitted across her vision. The
most of those who had been her contemporaries the winter she came out
were now married. Of these, she could not recall one who had not
"married well," as the phrase is. Were they growing old more gracefully
than she? Would she change places with any one of those portly matrons,
absorbed now in family or social interests? The sphere of the unmarried
few was unattractive to her. The causes, whether literary or
philanthropic, into which the majority threw themselves had certainly no
charm for her. She could not have worked for the Indians after the
manner of her cousin Sarah Somerset. To her the Indian race seemed too
cruel for the enthusiasm lavished on it by a certain group of Boston
women.
When her father had verged toward Transcendentalism she had lagged
behind, and more modern "isms" were even farther out of her reach. She
listened dubiously to rhapsodies by one of her cousins on the immense
spiritual value of the Vedas. Woman suffrage! Well, she had only one
friend who waxed eloquent over this, and Miss Theodora, although on the
whole liberal-minded, was repelled from a study of the question by the
peculiarities of dress and manner affected by some of its devotees. Even
Culture itself, with a capital letter, and all that this implies could
never have been a fad of hers. The books people talked about now were so
different from those that she had been accustomed to; she knew nothing
about modern French literature, and her friends cared nothing for Miss
Ferrier or Crabbe. After all, Miss Theodora would not have changed
places with one of these friends of her youth, married or unmarried,
with their tablets covered with social engagements or note-books crammed
with appointments for meetings or lectures. She found her own life
sufficiently full.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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