If I ever become a rich man, Or if ever I grow to be old, I will build a house with deep thatch To shelter me from the cold, And there shall the Sussex songs be sung And the story of Sussex told. I will hold my house in the high wood Within a walk of the sea, And the men that were boys when I was a boy Shall sit and drink with me. _Anthony C. Deane_ Anthony C. Deane was born in 1870 and was the Seatonian prizeman in 1905 at Clare College, Cambridge. He has been Vicar of All Saints, Ennismore Gardens, since 1916. His long list of light verse and essays includes several excellent parodies, the most delightful being found in his _New Rhymes for Old_ (1901). THE BALLAD OF THE _BILLYCOCK_ It was the good ship _Billycock_, with thirteen men aboard, Athirst to grapple with their country's foes,-- A crew, 'twill be admitted, not numerically fitted To navigate a battleship in prose. It was the good ship _Billycock_ put out from Plymouth Sound, While lustily the gallant heroes cheered, And all the air was ringing with the merry bo'sun's singing, Till in the gloom of night she disappeared. But when the morning broke on her, behold, a dozen ships, A dozen ships of France around her lay, (Or, if that isn't plenty, I will gladly make it twenty), And hemmed her close in Salamander Bay. Then to the Lord High Admiral there spake a cabin-boy: "Methinks," he said, "the odds are somewhat great, And, in the present crisis, a cabin-boy's advice is That you and France had better arbitrate!" "Pooh!" said the Lord High Admiral, and slapped his manly chest, "Pooh! That would be both cowardly and wrong; Shall I, a gallant fighter, give the needy ballad-writer No suitable material for song?" "Nay--is the shorthand-writer here?--I tell you, one and all, I mean to do my duty, as I ought; With eager satisfaction let us clear the decks for action And fight the craven Frenchmen!" So they fought. And (after several stanzas which as yet are incomplete, Describing all the fight in epic style) When the _Billycock_ was going, she'd a dozen prizes towing (Or twenty, as above) in single file! Ah, long in glowing English hearts the story will remain, The memory of that historic day, And, while we rule the ocean, we will picture with emotion The _Billycock_ in Salamander Bay! _P.S._--I've lately noticed that the critics--who, I think, In praising _my_ productions are remiss-- Quite easily are captured, and profess themselves enraptured, By patriotic ditties such as this, For making which you merely take some dauntless Englishmen, Guns, heroism, slaughter, and a fleet-- Ingredients you mingle in a metre with a jingle, And there you have your masterpiece complete!