Modern Eloquence: Vol III, After-Dinner Speeches P-Z
History
Modern Eloquence: Vol III, After-Dinner Speeches P-Z
Speeches, addresses, etc.
Somewhat so did I feel, Mr. President, when I got your invitation to be
here this evening and speak. I own I was uncommonly pleased by it. I
considered it the biggest compliment of the kind I had ever received in
my life. For that matter it was too big, as I had to acknowledge. That,
however, sir, was your affair; and so, without stopping much to think,
and before I could muster the cowardice to decline, I accepted it.
[Laughter.] But as soon as I began to reflect, especially when I came to
ask myself what in the world I had or could have to say in this august
presence, I was scared to think of what I had done. I was like the man
who while breaking a yoke of steers that he held by a rope, having
occasion to use both his hands in letting down a pair of bars, fetched
the rope a turn around one of his legs. That instant something
frightened the steers, and that unfortunate farmer was tripped up and
snaked off feet first on a wild, erratic excursion, a mile or so, over
rough ground, as long as the rope lasted, and left in a very lamentable
condition, indeed. His neighbors ran to him and gathered him up and laid
him together, and waited around for him to come to; which, when he did,
one of them inquired of him how he came to do such a thing as hitch a
rope around his leg under such circumstances. "Well," said he, "we
hadn't gone five rods 'fore I see my mistake." [Hearty laughter.]
But here I am, and the President has passed the tremendous subject of
Forefathers' Day, like a Rugby ball, into my hands--after making elegant
play with it himself--and, frightful as the responsibility is, I realize
that I've got to do something with it--and do it mighty quick.
[Laughter.] This is a festive hour, and even a preacher mustn't be any
more edifying in his remarks, I suppose, than he can help. And I promise
accordingly to use my conscientious endeavors to-night to leave this
worshipful company no better than I found it. [Laughter.]
But, gentlemen, well intending as one may be to that effect, and lightly
as he may approach the theme of the Forefathers, the minute he sets foot
within its threshold he stops his fooling and gets his hat off at once.
[Applause.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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