Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
It was about an hour later that Sergeant-Major Flannery, seated at his
ease beneath a shady elm in the garden of Healthward Ho, looked up
from the novelette over which he had been relaxing his conscientious
mind and became aware that he was in the presence of Youth and Beauty.
Toward him, across the lawn, was walking a girl who, his experienced
eye assured him at a single glance, fell into that limited division of
the Sex which is embraced by the word "Pippin." Her willowy figure was
clothed in some clinging material of a beige colour, and her bright
hazel eyes, when she came close enough for them to be seen, touched in
the Sergeant-Major's susceptible bosom a ready chord. He rose from his
seat with easy grace, and his hand, falling from the salute, came to
rest on the western section of his waxed moustache.
"Nice morning, miss," he bellowed.
It seemed to Sergeant-Major Flannery that this girl was gazing upon him
as on some wonderful dream of hers that had unexpectedly come true, and
he was thrilled. It was unlikely, he felt, that she was about to ask
him to perform some great knightly service for her, but if she did he
would spring smartly to attention and do it in a soldierly manner while
she waited. Sergeant-Major Flannery was pro-Dolly from the first moment
of their meeting.
"Are you one of Doctor Twist's assistants?" asked Dolly.
"I am his only assistant, miss. Sergeant-Major Flannery is the name."
"Oh? Then you look after the patients here?"
"That's right, miss."
"Then it is you who will be in charge of my poor brother?" She uttered
a little sigh, and there came into her hazel eyes a look of pain.
"Your brother, miss? Are you the lady...."
"Did Doctor Twist tell you about my brother?"
"Yes, miss. The fellow who's been...."
He paused, appalled. Only by a hair's-breadth had he stopped himself
from using in the presence of this divine creature the hideous
expression "mopping it up a bit."
"Yes," said Dolly. "I see you know about it."
"All I know about it, miss," said Sergeant-Major Flannery, "is that the
doctor had me into the orderly room just now and said he was expecting
a young lady to arrive with her brother, who needed attention. He said
I wasn't to be surprised if I found myself called for to lend a hand in
a roughhouse, because this bloke--because this patient was apt to get
verlent."
"My brother does get very violent," sighed Dolly. "I only hope he won't
do you any injury."
Sergeant-Major Flannery twitched his banana-like fingers and inflated
his powerful chest. He smiled a complacent smile.
"He won't do _me_ an injury, miss. I've had experience with...." Again
he stopped just in time, on the very verge of shocking his companion's
ears with the ghastly noun "souses" ... "with these sort of nervous
cases," he amended. "Besides, the doctor says he's going to give the
gentleman a little sleeping draught, which'll keep him as you might say
'armless till he wakes up and finds himself under lock and key."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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