Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
"Pity you couldn't have got rid of it a little earlier. Then we
wouldn't have had all this trouble. From what I can make of it, you
seem to have roused the house by sneezing your head off, and a bunch of
the help come and stood looking over the banisters at you."
Chimp tottered. "You don't mean somebody saw me last night?"
"Sure they saw you. Didn't Soapy tell you that over the wire?"
"I could hardly make out all Soapy was saying over the wire. Say! What
are we going to do?"
"Don't you worry. We've done it. The only difficult part is over. Now
that we've fixed the remains...."
"Will you please...!"
"Well, call him what you like. Now that we've fixed that guy the
thing's simple. By the way, what did you do with him?"
"Flannery took him upstairs."
"Where to?"
"There's a room on the top floor. Must have been a nursery or
something, I guess. Anyway, there's bars to the windows."
"How's the door?"
"Good solid oak. You've got to hand it to the guys who built these old
English houses. They knew their groceries. When they spit on their
hands and set to work to make a door, they made one. You couldn't push
that door down, not if you was an elephant."
"Well, that's all right, then. Now, listen, Chimp. Here's the low-down.
We...." She broke off. "What's that?"
"What's what?" asked Mr. Twist, starting violently.
"I thought I heard someone outside in the corridor. Go and look."
With an infinite caution born of alarm, Mr. Twist crept across the
floor, reached the door and flung it open. The passage was empty. He
looked up and down it, and Dolly, whose fingers had hovered for an
instant over the glass which he had left on the table, sat back with an
air of content.
"My mistake," she said. "I thought I heard something."
Chimp returned to the table. He was still much perturbed.
"I wish I'd never gone into this thing," he said, with a sudden gush of
self-pity. "I felt all along, what with seeing that magpie and the new
moon through glass...."
"Now, listen!" said Dolly vigorously. "Considering you've stood Soapy
and me up for practically all there is in this thing except a little
small change, I'll ask you kindly, if you don't mind, not to stand
there beefing and expecting me to hold your hand and pat you on the
head and be a second mother to you. You came into this business because
you wanted it. You're getting sixty-five per cent. of the gross. So
what's biting you? You're all right so far."
It was in Mr. Twist's mind to inquire of his companion precisely what
she meant by this expression, but more urgent matter claimed his
attention. More even than the exact interpretation of the phrase "so
far," he wished to know what the next move was.
"What happens now?" he asked.
"We go back to Rudge."
"And collect the stuff?"
"Yes. And then make our getaway."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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