Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
There was a long pause. Admiration seemed to have deprived Mr. Molloy
of speech.
"Honey," he said at length, in a hushed voice, "when it comes to the
real smooth stuff you're there every time. Let me just tell you...."
"All right, baby," said Dolly. "Save it till later. I'm in a hurry."
CHAPTER X
I
Soapy Molloy replaced the receiver, and came out of the telephone
cupboard glowing with the resolve to go right ahead and clean up as his
helpmeet had directed. Like all good husbands, he felt that his wife
was an example and an inspiration to him. Mopping his fine forehead,
for it had been warm in the cupboard with the door shut, he stood for a
while and mused, sketching out in his mind a plan of campaign.
The prudent man, before embarking on any enterprise which may at a
moment's notice necessitate his skipping away from a given spot like a
scalded cat, will always begin by preparing his lines of retreat. Mr.
Molloy's first act was to go to the stable yard in order to ascertain
with his own eyes that the Dex-Mayo was still there.
It was. It stood out on the gravel, simply waiting for someone to
spring to its wheel and be off.
So far, so good. But how far actually was it? The really difficult part
of the operations, Mr. Molloy could not but recognize, still lay before
him. The knock-out drops nestled in his waistcoat pocket all ready for
use, but in order to bring about the happy ending it was necessary for
him, like some conjuror doing a trick, to transfer them thence to the
interior of Mr. Lester Carmody. And little by little, chilling his
enthusiasm, there crept upon Soapy the realization that he had not a
notion how the deuce this was to be done.
The whole question of administering knock-out drops to a fellow
creature is a very delicate and complex one. So much depends on the
co-operation of the party of the second part. Before you can get
anything in the nature of action, your victim must first be induced to
start drinking something. At Healthward Ho, Soapy had gathered from the
recent telephone conversation, no obstacles had arisen. The thing had
been, apparently, from the start a sort of jolly carousal. But at Rudge
Hall, it was plain, matters were not going to be nearly so simple.
When you are a guest in a man's house, you cannot very well go about
thrusting drinks on your host at half-past eleven in the morning.
Probably Mr. Carmody would not think of taking liquid refreshment till
lunchtime, and then there would be a butler in and out of the room all
the while. Besides, lunch would not be for another two hours or more,
and the whole essence of this enterprise was that it should be put
through swiftly and at once.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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