Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
Mr. Molloy groaned in spirit. He wandered forth into the garden,
turning the problem over in his mind with growing desperation, and had
just come to the conclusion that he was mentally unequal to it, when,
reaching the low wall that bordered the moat, he saw a sight which sent
the blood coursing joyously through his veins once more--a sight which
made the world a thing of sunshine and bird song again.
Out in the middle of the moat lay the punt. In the punt sat Mr.
Carmody. And in Mr. Carmody's hand was a fishing rod.
Æsthetically considered, wearing as he did a pink shirt and a slouch
hat which should long ago have been given to the deserving poor, Mr.
Carmody was not much of a spectacle, but Soapy, eyeing him, felt that
he had never beheld anything lovelier. He was not a fisherman himself,
but he knew all about fishermen. They became, he was aware, when
engaged on their favourite pursuit, virtually monomaniacs. Earthquakes
might occur in their immediate neighbourhood, dynasties fall and
pestilences ravage the land, but they would just go on fishing. As long
as the bait held out, Lester Carmody, sitting in that punt, was for all
essential purposes as good as if he had been crammed to the brim of the
finest knock-out drops. It was as though he were in another world.
Exhilaration filled Soapy like a tonic.
"Any luck?" he shouted.
"Wah, wah, wah," replied Mr. Carmody inaudibly.
"Stick to it," cried Soapy. "Atta-boy!"
With an encouraging wave of the hand he hurried back to the house.
The problem which a moment before had seemed to defy solution had now
become so simple and easy that a child could have negotiated it--any
child, that is to say, capable of holding a hatchet and endowed with
sufficient strength to break a cupboard door with it.
"I'm telling the birds, telling the bees," sang Soapy gaily, charging
into the hall, "Telling the flowers, telling the trees how I love
you...."
"Sir?" said Sturgis respectfully, suddenly becoming manifest out of the
infinite.
Soapy gazed at the butler blankly, his wild wood-notes dying away in a
guttural gurgle. Apart from the embarrassment which always comes upon
a man when caught singing, he was feeling, as Sturgis himself would
have put it, stottled. A moment before, the place had been completely
free from butlers, and where this one could have come from was more
than he could understand. Rudge Hall's old retainer did not look the
sort of man who would pop up through traps, but there seemed no other
explanation of his presence.
And then, close to the cupboard door, Soapy espied another door,
covered with green baize. This, evidently, was the Sturgis bolt-hole.
"Nothing," he said.
"I thought you called, sir."
"No."
"Lovely day, sir."
"Beautiful," said Soapy.
He gazed bulgily at this inconvenient old fossil. Once more, shadows
had fallen about his world, and he was brooding again on the deep gulf
that is fixed between artistic conception and detail work.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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