Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
All great men have their limitations. We recognize the inevitability of
this and do not hold it against them. One states, therefore, not in any
spirit of reproach but simply as a fact of historical interest, that
tender whispering was one of the things that Sergeant-Major Flannery
did not do well. Between intention and performance there was, when Mr.
Flannery set out to whisper tenderly, a great gulf fixed. The actual
sound he now uttered was not unlike that which might proceed from the
fog horn of an Atlantic liner or a toastmaster having a fit in a
boiler shop, and, bursting forth as it did within a few inches of her
ear without any warning whatsoever, it had on Rosa an effect identical
with that produced on Colonel Wyvern at an earlier point in this
chronicle by John Carroll's sudden bellow outside the shop of Chas.
Bywater, Chemist. From trivial causes great events may spring. Rosa
sprang about three feet. A sharp squeal escaped her and she dropped the
tray. After which, she stood with a hand on her heart, panting.
Sergeant-Major Flannery recognized at once that he had done the wrong
thing. His generous spirit had led him astray. If he had wished to
inform Rosa that all was forgotten and forgiven he should have stepped
out of the shrubbery and said so in a few simple words, face to face.
By acting, as it were, obliquely and allowing himself to be for the
moment a disembodied voice, he had made a mess of things. Among the
things he had made a mess of were a pot of coffee, a pitcher of milk,
a bowl of sugar, a dish of butter, vessels containing salt, mustard,
and pepper, a rack of toast, and a plateful of eggs and bacon. All
these objects now littered the turf before him; and, emerging from the
shrubbery, he surveyed them ruefully.
"Oo-er!" he said.
Oddly enough, relief rather than annoyance seemed to be the emotion
dominating his companion. If ever there was an occasion when a girl
might excusably have said some of the things girls are so good at
saying nowadays, this was surely it. But Rosa merely panted at the
Sergeant-Major thankfully.
"I thought you was the Case Upstairs!" she gasped. "When I heard that
ghastly sound right in my ear I thought it was him got out."
"You're all right, my girl," said Mr. Flannery. "I'm 'ere."
"Oh, Mr. Flannery!"
"There, there!" said the Sergeant-Major.
In spite of the feeling that he was behaving a little prematurely, he
slipped a massive arm around the girl's waist. He also kissed her. He
had not intended to commit himself quite so definitely as this, but it
seemed now the only thing to do.
Rosa became calmer.
"I dropped the tray," she said.
"Yes," said Mr. Flannery, who was quick at noticing things.
"I'd better go and tell him."
"Tell Mr. Twist?"
"Well, I'd better, hadn't I?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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