Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
"If you had listened to my advice, sir," said Mr. Flannery coldly,
"this would never have happened. Did I or did I not say to you, Mr.
Twist, did I or did I not repeatedly say that it was imperative and
essential that that Case be kept securely under lock and key? And then
you go asking for it, sir, begging for it, pleading for it, by opening
the door and giving him the opportunity to roam the 'ouse at his sweet
will and leg it when so disposed. I 'ad just reached the 'ead of the
stairs when I see him. I said Oo-er! I said, and advanced smartly at
the double to do my duty, that being what I am paid for, an' what I
draw my salary for doing, and the next thing I know I'd copped it
square in the eye and him and me was rolling down the stairs together.
I bumped my 'ead against the woodwork at the bottom or it may have
been that chest there, and for a moment all went black and I knew no
more." Mr. Flannery paused. "All went black and I knew no more," he
repeated, liking the phrase. "And when I came to, as the expression is,
the Case had gone. Where he is now, Mr. Twist, 'oo can say? Murdering
the patients as like as not or...."
He broke off. Outside on the drive, diminishing in the distance,
sounded the engine of a car.
"That's him," said Mr. Flannery. "He's gorn!" He brooded for a moment.
"Gorn!" he resumed. "Gorn to range the countryside and maybe 'ave 'alf
a dozen assassinations on his conscience before the day's out. And
you'll be responsible, Mr. Twist. On that Last Awful Day, Mr. Twist,
when you and I and all of us come up before the Judgment Seat, do
you know what'll 'appen? I'll tell you what'll 'appen. The Lord God
Almighty will say, angry-like, ''Oo's responsible for all these corpses
I see laying around 'ere?' and 'E'll look at you sort of sharp, and
you'll have to rise up and say, 'It was me! I'm responsible for them
corpses.' If I'd of done as Sergeant-Major Flannery repeatedly told me
and kep' that Case under lock and key, as the saying is, there wouldn't
have been none of these poor murdered blokes.' That's what you'll 'ave
to rise and say, Mr. Twist. I will now leave you, sir, as I wish to go
into the kitchen and get that young Rosa to put something on this nasty
bruise and eye of mine. If you 'ave any further instructions for me,
Mr. Twist, I'll be glad to attend to them. If not, I'll go up to my
room and have a bit of a lay-down. Good morning, sir."
The Sergeant-Major had said his say. He withdrew in good order along
previously prepared lines of retreat. And Chimp, suddenly seized with
the same idea which had taken Soapy to the study, moved slowly off down
the passage.
In the study he found Mr. Molloy, somewhat refreshed, seated at the
telephone.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Playing the flute," replied Mr. Molloy shortly.
"Who are you 'phoning to?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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