Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
John advanced to the table, meeting the Colonel's gaze with a steady
eye. There is this to be said for being dosed with knock-out drops and
shut up in locked rooms and having to take your meals through bars from
the hands of a sergeant-major whom only a mother could love--it fits
a normally rather shy and diffident young man for the battles of life
as few other experiences would be able to fit him. The last time he
and this bushy-eyebrowed man had met, John had quailed. But now mere
eyebrows meant nothing to him. He felt hardened, like one who has been
through the furnace.
"I suppose you are surprised to see us here?"
"More surprised than pleased."
"My uncle was anxious to have a few words with you."
"I have not the slightest desire...."
"If you will just let me explain...."
"I repeat, I have not the slightest desire...."
"SIT DOWN!" said John.
Colonel Wyvern sat down, rather as if he had been hamstrung. The action
had been purely automatic, the outcome of that involuntary spasm of
acquiescence which comes upon everybody when someone speaks very
loudly and peremptorily in their presence. His obsequiousness was only
momentary, and he was about to inquire of John what the devil he meant
by speaking to him like that, when the young man went on.
"My uncle has been very much concerned," said John, "about that
unfortunate thing that happened in the park some weeks ago. It has been
on his mind."
The desire to say something almost inhumanely sarcastic and the
difficulty of finding just the right words caused the Colonel to miss
his chance of interrupting at this point. What should have been a
searing retort became a mere splutter.
"He feels he behaved badly to you. He admits freely that in grabbing
you round the waist and putting you in between him and that dynamite he
acted on the spur of an impulse to which he should never have yielded.
He has been wondering ever since how best he might heal the breach.
Haven't you, Uncle Lester?"
Mr. Carmody swallowed painfully.
"Yes."
"He says 'Yes'," said John, relaying the information to its receiving
station. "You have always been his closest friend, and the thought that
there was this estrangement has been preying on my uncle's mind. This
morning, unable to endure it any longer, he came to me and asked my
advice. I was very glad to give it him. And I am still more glad that
he took it. My uncle will now say a few words.... Uncle Lester!"
Mr. Carmody rose haltingly from his seat. He was a man who stood on the
verge of parting with one thousand pounds in cool cash, and he looked
it. His face was haggard, and his voice, when he contrived to speak,
thin and trembling.
"Wyvern, I...."
"... thought ..." prompted John.
"I thought," said Mr. Carmody, "that in the circumstances...."
"It would be best...."
"It would be best if...."
Words--and there should have been sixty-three more of them--failed Mr.
Carmody. He pushed a slip of paper across the table and resumed his
seat, a suffering man.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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