Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
"Right ho," said Hugo, a game loser. He was disappointed, but not
surprised. All along he had felt that that Hot Spot business was merely
a Utopian dream. There are some men who are temperamentally incapable
of parting with five hundred pounds, and his uncle Lester was one of
them. But in the matter of a smaller sum it might be that he would
prove more pliable, and of this smaller sum Hugo had urgent need.
"Well, then, putting that aside," he said, "there's another thing I'd
like to chat about for a moment, if you don't mind."
"I do," said Mr. Carmody.
"There's a big fight on to-night at the Albert Hall. Eustace Rodd
and Cyril Warburton are going twenty rounds for the welter-weight
championship. Have you ever noticed," said Hugo, touching on a matter
to which he had given some thought, "a rather odd thing about boxers
these days? A few years ago you never heard of one that wasn't Beefy
This or Porky That or Young Cat's-meat or something. But now they're
all Claudes and Harolds and Cuthberts. And when you consider that the
heavyweight champion of the world is actually named Eugene, it makes
you think a bit. However, be that as it may, these two birds are going
twenty rounds to-night, and there you are."
"What," inquired Mr. Carmody, "is all this drivel?"
He eyed his young relative balefully. In an association that had lasted
many years, he had found Hugo consistently irritating to his nervous
system, and he was finding him now rather more trying than usual.
"I only meant to point out that Ronnie Fish has sent me a ticket,
and I thought that, if you were to spring a tenner for the necessary
incidental expenses--bed, breakfast, and so on ... well, there I would
be, don't you know."
"You mean you wish to go to London to see a boxing contest?"
"That's it."
"Well, you're not going. You know I have expressly forbidden you to
visit London. The last time I was weak enough to allow you to go there,
what happened? You spent the night in a police station."
"Yes, but that was Boat-Race Night."
"And I had to pay five pounds for your fine."
Hugo dismissed the past with a gesture.
"The whole thing," he said, "was an unfortunate misunderstanding, and,
if you ask me, the verdict of posterity will be that the policeman was
far more to blame than I was. They're letting a bad type of men into
the force nowadays. I've noticed it on several occasions. Besides, it
won't happen again."
"You are right. It will not."
"On second thoughts, then, you will spring that tenner?"
"On first, second, third, and fourth thoughts I will do nothing of the
kind."
"But, Uncle, do you realize what it would mean if you did?"
"The interpretation I would put upon it is that I was suffering from
senile decay."
"What it would mean is that I should feel you trusted me, Uncle Lester,
that you had faith in me. There's nothing so dangerous as a want of
trust. Ask anybody. It saps a young man's character."
"Let it," said Mr. Carmody callously.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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