Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
The injured man, maintaining an icy silence, raked him with an eye
before which sergeant-majors had once drooped like withered roses, and
walked into the shop. The anxious face of Chas. Bywater loomed up over
the counter. John hovered in the background. "I want another bottle of
that stuff," said the Colonel shortly.
"I'm awfully sorry," said John.
"I dropped the other outside. I was attacked by a savage dog."
"I'm frightfully sorry."
"People ought not to have these pests running loose and not under
proper control."
"I'm fearfully sorry."
"A menace to the community and a nuisance to everybody," said Colonel
Wyvern.
"Quite," said Mr. Bywater.
Conversation languished. Chas. Bywater, realizing that this was no
moment for lingering lovingly over brown paper and toying dreamily with
string, lowered the record for wrapping a bottle of Brophy's Paramount
Elixir by such a margin that he set up a mark for other chemists to
shoot at for all time. Colonel Wyvern snatched it and stalked out,
and John, who had opened the door for him and had not been thanked,
tottered back to the counter and in a low voice expressed a wish for
two ounces of the Special Mixture.
"Quite," said Mr. Bywater. "In one moment, Mr. John."
With the passing of Colonel Wyvern a cloud seemed to have rolled
away from the chemist's world. He was his old, charmingly chatty self
again. He gave John his tobacco, and, detaining him by the simple means
of not handing over his change, surrendered himself to the joys of
conversation.
"The Colonel appears a little upset, sir."
"Have you got my change?" said John.
"It seems to me he hasn't been the same man since that unfortunate
episode up at the Hall. Not at all the same sunny gentleman."
"Have you got my change?"
"A very unfortunate episode, that," sighed Mr. Bywater.
"My change?"
"I could see, the moment he walked in here, that he was not himself.
Shaken. Something in the way he looked at one. I said to myself 'The
Colonel's shaken!'"
John, who had had such recent experience of the way Colonel Wyvern
looked at one, agreed. He then asked if he might have his change.
"No doubt he misses Miss Wyvern," said Chas. Bywater, ignoring the
request with an indulgent smile. "When a man's had a shock like the
Colonel's had--when he's shaken, if you understand what I mean--he
likes to have his loved ones around him. Stands to reason," said Mr.
Bywater.
John had been anxious to leave, but he was so constituted that he could
not tear himself away from anyone who had touched on the subject of
Patricia Wyvern. He edged a little nearer the counter.
"Well, she'll be home again soon," said Chas. Bywater. "To-morrow, I
understand."
A powerful current of electricity seemed to pass itself through John's
body. Pat Wyvern had been away so long that he had fallen into a sort
of dull apathy in which he wondered sometimes if he would ever see her
again.
"What!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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