Monsieur, Madame, and Bébé — Complete — John Shaqi
Monsieur, Madame, and Bébé — CompleteDroz, Gustave
General
Monsieur, Madame, and Bébé — Complete
Droz, Gustave
Family life -- Fiction; French fiction -- Translations into English
“Those cigars will lead to a catastrophe, if I don’t use prudence and
dissemble,” said I to myself.
I do not know how it was, but my sweetheart found herself seated on the
left of the host. I did not like that, but what could I say? And then,
the said host, with his twenty-five summers, his moustache curled up at
the ends, and his self-assurance, seemed to me the most ideal, the most
astounding of young devils, and I felt for him a shade of respect.
“Well,” he said, with captivating volubility, “you are feeling yourself
at home, are you not? You know any guest who feels uncomfortable in his
coat may take it off... and the ladies, too. Ha! ha! ha! That’s the way
to make one’s self happy, is it not, my little dears?” And before he had
finished laughing he printed a kiss right and left on the necks of his
two neighbors, one of whom, as I have already said, was my beloved.
The ill-bred dog! I felt my hair rise on end and my face glow like
red-hot iron. For the rest, everybody burst out laughing, and from that
moment the supper went on with increased animation.
“My young friends,” was the remark of that infernal examining
magistrate, “let us attack the cold meat, the sausages, the turkey, the
salad; let us at the cakes, the cheese, the oysters, and the grapes;
let us attack the whole show. Waiter, draw the corks and we will eat up
everything at once, eh, my cherubs? No ceremony, no false delicacy. This
is fine fun; it is Oriental, it is splendid. In the centre of Africa
everybody acts in this manner. We must introduce poetry into our
pleasures. Pass me some cheese with my turkey. Ha! ha! ha! I feel queer,
I am wild, I am crazy, am I not, pets?” And he bestowed two more kisses,
as before. If I had not been already drunk, upon my honor, I should have
made a scene.
I was stupid. Around me they were laughing, shouting, singing, and
rattling their plates. A racket of popping corks and breaking glasses
buzzed in my ears, but it seemed to me that a cloud had risen between me
and the outer world; a veil separated me from the other guests, and, in
spite of the evidence of my senses, I thought I was dreaming. I could
distinguish, however, though in a confused manner, the animated glances
and heightened color of the guests, and, above all, a disorder quite
new to me in the toilettes of the ladies. Even my sweetheart appeared to
have changed. Suddenly--it was as a flash of lightning--my beloved, my
angel, my ideal, she whom that very morning I was ready to marry,
leaned toward the examining magistrate and--I still feel the cold
shudder--devoured three truffles which were on his plate.
I experienced keen anguish; it seemed to me as if my heart were breaking
just then.
Here my recollections cease. What then took place I do not know. All I
remember is that some one took me home in a cab. I kept asking: “Where
is she? Where? Oh, where?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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