"Go on, I will hear you." And conscious that she could not control the
will now thoroughly aroused, Ottila bent before it as if meekly ready to
hear all things for love's sake.
A disdainful smile passed over Warwick's face, as with an eye that fixed
and held her own, he rapidly went on, never pausing to choose smooth
phrases or soften facts, but seeming to find a relish in the utterance
of bitter truths after the honeyed falsehood he had listened to so long.
Yet through all the harshness glowed the courage of an upright soul, the
fervor of a generous heart.
"I know little of such things and care less; but I think few lovers pass
through a scene such as this is to be, because few have known lives like
ours, or one such as we. You a woman stronger for good or ill than those
about you, I a man untamed by any law but that of my own will. Strength
is royal, we both possess it; as kings and queens drop their titles in
their closets, let us drop all disguises and see each other as God sees
us. This compact must be broken; let me show you why. Three months ago I
came here to take the chill of an Arctic winter out of blood and brain.
I have done so and am the worse for it. In melting frost I have kindled
fire; a fire that will burn all virtue out of me unless I quench it at
once. I mean to do so, because I will not keep the ten commandments
before men's eyes and break them every hour in my heart."
He paused a moment, as if hotter words rose to his lips than generosity
would let him utter, and when he spoke again there was more reproach
than anger in his voice.
"Ottila, till I knew you I loved no woman but my mother; I wooed no
wife, bought no mistress, desired no friend, but led a life austere as
any monk's, asking only freedom and my work. Could you not let me keep
my independence? Were there not men enough who would find no degradation
in a spiritual slavery like this? Would nothing but my subjection
satisfy your unconquerable appetite for power?"
"Did I seek you, Adam?"
"Yes! Not openly, I grant, your art was too fine for that; you shunned
me that I might seek you to ask why. In interviews that seemed to come
by chance, you tried every wile a woman owns, and they are many. You
wooed me as such as you alone can woo the hearts they know are hardest
to be won. You made your society a refreshment in this climate of the
passions; you hid your real self and feigned that for which I felt most
honor. You entertained my beliefs with largest hospitality; encouraged
my ambitions with a sympathy so genial that I thought it genuine;
professed my scorn for shammery, and seemed an earnest woman, eager to
find the true, to do the right; a fit wife for any man who desired a
helpmate, not a toy. It showed much strength of wit and will to conceive
and execute the design. It proved your knowledge of the virtues you
could counterfeit so well, else I never should have been where I am
now."
"Your commendation is deserved, though so ungently given, Adam."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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