Short stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
“‘I didn’t know, but I knew you were in training,’ I answered.
‘Yesterday morning a charitably inclined female presented me with three
biscuits, a piece of cheese, and a funereal slab of chocolate cake, all
wrapped in the current Clarion, wherein I noted an unholy glee because
the Cowbell’s candidate for chief of police had been turned down.
Likewise I learned the municipal election was at hand, and put two
and two together. Another mayor, and the right kind, means new police
commissioners; new police commissioners means new chief of police; new
chief of police means Cowbell’s candidate; ergo, your turn to play.’
“He stood up, shook my hand, and emptied his plethoric vest pocket. I
put them away and puffed on the old one.
“‘You’ll do,’ he jubilated. ‘This stuff’ (patting my copy) ‘is the first
gun of the campaign. You’ll touch off many another before we’re done.
I’ve been looking for you for years. Come on in on the editorial.’
“But I shook my head.
“‘Come, now!’ he admonished sharply. ‘No shenanagan! The Cowbell must
have you. It hungers for you, craves after you, won’t be happy till it
gets you. What say?’
“In short, he wrestled with me, but I was bricks, and at the end of half
an hour the only Spargo gave it up.
“‘Remember,’ he said, ‘any time you reconsider, I’m open. No matter
where you are, wire me and I’ll send the ducats to come on at once.’
“I thanked him, and asked the pay for my copy—dope, he called it.
“‘Oh, regular routine,’ he said. ‘Get it the first Thursday after
publication.’
“‘Then I’ll have to trouble you for a few scad until—’
“He looked at me and smiled. ‘Better cough up, eh?’
“‘Sure,’ I said. ‘Nobody to identify me, so make it cash.’
“And cash it was made, thirty plunks (a plunk is a dollar, my dear
Anak), and I pulled my freight ... eh?—oh, departed.
“‘Pale youth,’ I said to Cerberus, ‘I am bounced.’ (He grinned with
pallid joy.) ‘And in token of the sincere esteem I bear you, receive
this little—’ (His eyes flushed and he threw up one hand, swiftly, to
guard his head from the expected blow)—‘this little memento.’
“I had intended to slip a fiver into his hand, but for all his surprise,
he was too quick for me.
“‘Aw, keep yer dirt,’ he snarled.
“‘I like you still better,’ I said, adding a second fiver. ‘You grow
perfect. But you must take it.’
“He backed away growling, but I caught him round the neck, roughed what
little wind he had out of him, and left him doubled up with the two
fives in his pocket. But hardly had the elevator started, when the two
coins tinkled on the roof and fell down between the car and the shaft.
As luck had it, the door was not closed, and I put out my hand and
caught them. The elevator boy’s eyes bulged.
“‘It’s a way I have,’ I said, pocketing them.
“‘Some bloke’s dropped ‘em down the shaft,’ he whispered, awed by the
circumstance.
“‘It stands to reason,’ said I.
“‘I’ll take charge of ‘em,’ he volunteered.
“‘Nonsense!’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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