He finally made up his mind Upon his friends to call; Subscription lists were largely signed, For men were really glad to find Him mortal, after all! THE HAUGHTY ACTOR AN actor—GIBBS, of Drury Lane— Of very decent station, Once happened in a part to gain Excessive approbation: It sometimes turns a fellow’s brain And makes him singularly vain When he believes that he receives Tremendous approbation. His great success half drove him mad, But no one seemed to mind him; Well, in another piece he had Another part assigned him. This part was smaller, by a bit, Than that in which he made a hit. So, much ill-used, he straight refused To play the part assigned him. * * * * * * * * _That night that actor slept_, _and I’ll attempt_ _To tell you of the vivid dream he dreamt_. THE DREAM. In fighting with a robber band (A thing he loved sincerely) A sword struck GIBBS upon the hand, And wounded it severely. At first he didn’t heed it much, He thought it was a simple touch, But soon he found the weapon’s bound Had wounded him severely. To Surgeon COBB he made a trip, Who’d just effected featly An amputation at the hip Particularly neatly. A rising man was Surgeon COBB But this extremely ticklish job He had achieved (as he believed) Particularly neatly. The actor rang the surgeon’s bell. “Observe my wounded finger, Be good enough to strap it well, And prithee do not linger. That I, dear sir, may fill again The Theatre Royal Drury Lane: This very night I have to fight— So prithee do not linger.” “I don’t strap fingers up for doles,” Replied the haughty surgeon; “To use your cant, I don’t play rôles Utility that verge on. First amputation—nothing less— That is my line of business: We surgeon nobs despise all jobs Utility that verge on “When in your hip there lurks disease” (So dreamt this lively dreamer), “Or devastating _caries_ In _humerus_ or _femur_, If you can pay a handsome fee, Oh, then you may remember me— With joy elate I’ll amputate Your _humerus_ or _femur_.” The disconcerted actor ceased The haughty leech to pester, But when the wound in size increased, And then began to fester, He sought a learned Counsel’s lair, And told that Counsel, then and there, How COBB’S neglect of his defect Had made his finger fester.