Once again the people groaned and prostrated themselves, weighed down
by the load of sighs drawn from their aching hearts.
I groaned with them. I prayed still more fervently, stretching out my
hands more beseechingly to the stern God. I held my breath still
longer, always expecting a visible miracle. But God was silent, and my
childish hopes were shattered.
The choir led the people in a new and still more ardent prayer.
"O God, my God, when will this dreadful praying end?"
I felt my strength was failing me, and that to pray thus any longer
would be impossible. I clung to my dear father, who was praying beside
me, hoping he would soothe me, as was his way. But my father did not
see me, although he bent down to me, for his eyes were full of tears,
and I only heard his heated whisper:
"Pray, my child; pray, dear boy, and never forget this wonderful
prayer!"
So I prayed once more, concentrating all my thoughts and feelings in
this one prayer. The perspiration stood in large drops on my forehead;
I held my breath still longer, and waited--waited in vain! God was
silent. But the choir raised a fresh entreaty.
"O God, my God, why art Thou so long in hearing us?"
It was so hot and close; a terrible sensation came over me now. My
head seemed on fire; the singing of the choir, the sound of the organ,
the human groans and sighs, all mingled in a chaotic whirr in my ears.
This whirr passed gradually into a measured peal, commencing slowly,
becoming quicker later, at first near, then farther off, resembling
the flapping of a large bird's wings. The grey smoke of the incense
reddened before my eyes. It flashed into my weary mind that our
prayers could not reach God. I looked up and flung myself into my
father's arms. There, above--it seemed to me--like birds assembling
for their autumn flight, but confined by the high vaulting of the
church, the human prayers were circling and clamouring. Streaks of
sunlight were penetrating the narrow church windows, and all the
bitter human groans and pain and tears were beating their wings
against them--pressing towards the sun.
"Father! father! let us go outside to pray--there, in the sunshine!
God Almighty will hear us there, and nothing will hinder our prayers."
II.
The winter of 18-- began unusually early in X----, as in all parts of
the Yakutsk district. Already by the end of August the night frosts
had shrivelled and blackened foliage of every kind, depriving it of
its natural beauty. The broad stretch of valley in which the town lay
now looked barer than usual; only miserable yurta were to be seen, no
large buildings, nothing even distantly approaching the populous
villages in Poland, which are so cheerful in autumn. During that early
although short autumn I was attacked for the first time by
home-sickness in all its dread severity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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