"Did she _abuse_ you?" asked his worship. "Fait, an' she hadn't _sense_ enough for that, your honour!" replied the strong-lunged Phelim. Miss Julia's "silks and satins" gave manifest proof that she had not been able to keep her feet; and, as she had nothing but tears to offer in her defence, she was adjudged to be drunken and disorderly, and ordered to find sureties for her better behaviour in future. AN EVENING'S PLEASURE. A schoolmaster of Greenwich, an apothecary of Plymouth, and a London sheriff's-officer,--"three good fellows and true," were brought before the bench, charged with having "shown off" a little too much in the pit of the Olympic Theatre. Their situation in the office, when the magistrate took his seat on the bench, was thus:--The sheriff's-officer dead drunk on the floor of the outer passage; the apothecary dead drunk on the benches within the office; and the schoolmaster very drunk, but very sprightly withal, upon his legs before the magisterial table. Then as to their personal condition:--the sheriff's-officer had only half a coat--the entire sinister side having been torn away vertically; and he was moreover so grievously bedaubed with blood about the face, that his features were indistinguishable. The apothecary had his garments entire, but the exterior case of his olfactory apparatus was marvellously swollen and distorted--more like the budding proboscis of an infant elephant, than the nose of a Christian compounder of medicine. The schoolmaster's countenance was like that of his friend, the sheriff's-officer, excessively bloody; and his left eye was closed by a large blue and green tumour--from an orifice in the centre of which the _claret_ flowed continually towards the corner of his mouth, as if in mockery of the bumpers that had brought him before the bench.