upset among the ashes. But it was all of no use; Mr. Joseph Arnold swore the toggery was too good for a _tailor_, and he would keep it for himself; and so saying, he sallied forth and strutted up and down Bow-street for nearly two hours, till at length the patience of Mr. Peter Guy became exhausted, and he gave him in charge to an officer, who carried him before the magistrate. His worship having first ordered Mr. Joseph Arnold to be placed at the bar, asked him what he had to say for himself? He replied that he did not feel himself a bit disgraced by being placed in that 'ere bar, being as how he was well known to Mr. White and Mr. Markland, the magistrates at Queen-square, and to all the inhabitants of Duck-lane, as an honest man, and one that was as well-to-do in the world, as any man who was no better off than himself. And as to the benjamin there was such a bother about, he had got it on by the free consent of the owner, and he would keep it on long enough, unless the owner stood a drop of summut short.[8] "If that's the case, Sir," observed the magistrate, "I shall instantly commit you for the robbery." This seemed to have a considerable effect upon Mr. Joseph Arnold, for he instantly, though slowly, began to peel: and having so done, he handed the benjamin over the bar, sulkily observing, "This comes of keeping company with _tailors_, your worship, and I can't say but it sarves me right. Howsomever, he mought have had it before, if he had not been so d----d tall and consequential about it." Mr. Peter Guy thanked the magistrate for his kind interposition, and the parties withdrew. PAT LANGHAM'S LOGIC. Mr. Patrick Langham was charged with having assaulted Mrs. Bridget Finnagen, by _spitting_ in her face. His worship told him he was a dirty fellow, and asked him what he could say in excuse for such an unmanly and disgusting trick. "Well, your honour," replied Patrick, "I should not have done it by no _manes_, but she put her nose in the mouth of me." "Nonsense, man! How could she put her nose in your mouth?" "Well, your honour, she did that same, any how; an I can bring a witness to the fore that'll testify to your honour." The magistrate told him he did not believe him. Mrs. Bridget Finnagen said it was a _grate_ lie invented by Patrick to bring shame upon her--the mother-in-law to the brother of him, and _oun_ mother to four children--barrin one that's dead. Patrick persisted in his nose story, and being desired to show the manner of it, he placed himself in the attitude of a scolding woman--with chin poked out, and arms a-kimbo. "Why, you foolish fellow," observed the magistrate, "you mean that she put her nose in your _face_--not mouth." "Your honour'll call it what ye plase," replied Patrick, "but me _mouth's_ in me _face_ any how; and so me _face_ and me _mouth's_ all one, your honour, in that shape."