Motherhood and the Relationships of the SexesHartley, C. Gasquoine (Catherine Gasquoine)
Philosophy
Motherhood and the Relationships of the Sexes
Hartley, C. Gasquoine (Catherine Gasquoine)
Mothers; Sex; Women -- Social and moral questions
I can hardly express too strongly my own want of faith in the expert
child-trainer. I have found always that they regard the child, mainly, if
not entirely, as something to be improved and instructed on a definite
plan. The expert is never human, and the child has need of all the
human element that it can get. It has absolute need of a mother and of
a father. And it is impossible to be parents in the complete and right
sense apart from the individual home. All experience shows us that the
home, with its sympathetic relationships of mutual affection, cannot be
replaced. We must insist on conditions of society that will make home
life possible. The child has to accept the arrangements we make as a
sacred thing, that is why this question is of such immense importance. If
the matter could be fixed by the will of children, I should have no fear.
The child has not lost the true values of life.
We have grown careless of the home under the blighting effects of
industrialism. And the problem of the child is much more difficult
in the case of modern mothers, who have few children and no strong
traditions—no fixed standard of child training and of home life. Each
mother is continually making personal experiments, a course of conduct
that is not only harmful to the individual child, but one that must lead
to collective confusion. Under such conditions excessive ardour may be as
dangerous as neglect. One of the most unfortunate children I have known
was an idolised only child with most conscientious modern parents, who
kept a record in many large volumes of its every act and every saying.
This child was trained out of childhood. There may be too much care and
attention given by the parents as well as too little.
Motherhood in theory much praised, poetised, and hailed as a wonderful
thing, often in actual expression is the strongest deterrent influence
in the life of the child. The mother cannot realise the young life that
has come from her life apart from herself. The child is too near to her.
And it follows from this that her instinct and her love are not primarily
concerned with the child, rather she is interested in it chiefly as its
mother, that is, the birth-giver and possessor of the child. Most mothers
bind their children to them much too closely with an egoistic love which
is the most poisonous form of selfishness. Therefore the mother often is
the real enemy in the home, the most self-centred and conservative member.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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