Motherhood and the Relationships of the SexesHartley, C. Gasquoine (Catherine Gasquoine)
Philosophy
Motherhood and the Relationships of the Sexes
Hartley, C. Gasquoine (Catherine Gasquoine)
Mothers; Sex; Women -- Social and moral questions
And this fear and denial of love, this separation between the sexes, is
the serious side of the problem of marriage. For the hideous disguises
and constant lying often made necessary to the husband, owing to the
wife’s entire failure to realise the physical necessities of love,
makes domestic life an organised hypocrisy. We fight, and fight to be
free, yet ever anew the antagonism lays fresh hold, it crops up in many
and curious ways, imposing its poison and destroying love—the deep,
deep-hidden rage of unsatisfied men against women. The need for love will
not often allow itself to be inhibited without claiming payment. And if
desire so frequently manifests itself in abnormal forms of the coarsest
and commonest dissipation, this is almost always to be explained by
some hindrance opposed to its normal expression. When women face facts
and realise this truth, many things in men’s conduct will be clear that
hitherto have been hidden from them.
Again it may be thought that I am exaggerating; and there are, I know,
other aspects of this question which just now I am neglecting. But the
unreal and abysmal misconception into which one sex has fallen with
regard to the other—this horrible, grasping, backwash of shame—is, in
large measure, the result of our pretence and the way in which women
have been kept living with blinds drawn down upon most of the unruly
turbulence and elemental forces of life. It may also be held mistakenly
that in what I have said I am writing against women; that I am raising a
belated cry for masculine prerogatives and standards of sexual conduct.
But that is not so. I am, it is undeniable, writing against the attitude
of the modern woman towards marriage, her coldness of response to passion
and her suppression of the realities of sex; an attitude I deplore and
hold to be destructive alike to the happiness of women and men and to
the health of the race, as also to any practical moral life. But such
coldness and atrophy of instinct, I believe, has been imposed upon women
by wrong education, the conditions of ignorance under which they marry
and become mothers, and all the hindrances set around them, preventing
them living out their lives from a sexual point of view.
It is example and the ideal set before us which produces the formation
of opinion and of character, and few mothers remember the inner discord
which exists between what they teach their daughters about love and what
they act themselves in the daily life. And if the home is wrong, the
school is, I think, much worse. In olden times, and still among primitive
peoples—whose unconsidered actions are in many directions so much wiser
than is our knowledge—girls were early given by matrons all the gathered
wisdom of their sex pertaining to wifehood and motherhood; just the
knowledge that we make it hard for them to gain. Could folly be greater
than this?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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