Irish Americans -- Humor; Irish-American wit and humor
“Th' most domestic men in th' wurruld ar-re politicians, an' they always
marry early. An' that's th' sad part iv it, Hinnissy. A pollytician
always marries above his own station. That's wan sign that he'll be a
successful pollytician. Th' throuble is, th' good woman stays planted
just where she was, an' he goes by like a fast thrain by a whistlin'
station. D'ye mind O'Leary, him that's a retired capitalist now, him
that was aldherman, an' dhrainage thrustee, an' state sinitor f'r wan
term? Well, whin I first knew O'Leary he wurruked down on a railroad
section tampin' th' thrack at wan-fifty a day. He was a sthrong, willin'
young fellow, with a stiff right-hand punch an' a schamin' brain,
an' anny wan cud see that he was intinded to go to th' fr-ront. Th'
aristocracy iv th' camp was Mrs. Cassidy, th' widdy lady that kept th'
boordin'-house. Aristocracy, Hinnissy, is like rale estate, a matther
iv location. I'm aristocracy to th' poor O'Briens back in th' alley, th'
brewery agent's aristocracy to me, his boss is aristocracy to him, an'
so it goes, up to the czar of Rooshia. He's th' pick iv th' bunch, th'
high man iv all, th' Pope not goin' in society. Well, Mrs. Cassidy was
aristocracy to O'Leary. He niver see such a stylish woman as she was
whin she turned out iv a Sundah afthernoon in her horse an' buggy. He'd
think to himsilf, 'If I iver can win that I'm settled f'r life,' an' iv
coorse he did. 'Twas a gran' weddin'; manny iv th' guests didn't show up
at wurruk f'r weeks.”
“O'Leary done well, an' she was a good wife to him. She made money an'
kept him sthraight an' started him for constable. He won out, bein' a
sthrong man. Thin she got him to r-run f'r aldher-man, an' ye shud've
seen her th' night he was inaugurated! Be hivins, Hinnissy, she looked
like a fire in a pawnshop, fair covered with dimons an' goold watches
an' chains. She was cut out to be an aldherman's wife, and it was worth
goin' miles to watch her leadin' th' gran' march at th' Ar-rchy Road
Dimmycratic Fife an' Dhrum Corps ball.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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