Humorous stories; London (England) -- Fiction; Wealth -- Fiction
"You'll do nothing of the kind," said Mr. Prohack sharply.
"Why not?"
"Because I can't stand the strain of telling them to-night. Ha-ha!" He
laughed. "I intend to think things over and tell them to-morrow. I've
had quite enough strain for one day."
"Strain, darling?"
"Strain. These extremes of heat and cold would try a stronger man than
me."
"Extremes of heat and cold, darling?"
"Well, just think how cold it was this morning and how warm it is
to-night."
"You quaint boy!" she murmured, admiring him. "I quite understand.
Quite. How sensitive you are! But then you always were. Now listen here.
Shall _I_ tell the children?" She gave him a long kiss.
"No," said he, making prods at her cheek with his finger, and smiling
vaguely. "No. You'll do nothing of the kind. But there's something you
_can_ do for me."
"Yes?"
"Will you do it?"
"Yes."
"Whatever it is?"
"If you aren't going to play a trick on me."
"No. It's no trick.
"Very well, then."
"First, you must have one of your best headaches. Second, you must go to
bed at once. Third, you must sprinkle some eau-de-cologne on the bed, to
deceive the lower orders. Fourth, you must be content with some soup for
your dinner, and I'll smuggle you up some dessert in my pocket if you're
hungry. Fifth, you must send word to those children of yours that you
don't wish to be disturbed."
"But you want to treat me like a baby."
"And supposing I do! For once, can't you be a baby to oblige me?"
"But it's too ridiculous! Why do you want me to go to bed?"
"You know why. Still, I'll tell you. You always like to be told what you
know,--for instance, that I'm in love with you. I can't tell those kids
to-night, and I'm not going to. The rumpus, the conflict of ideas, the
atmospheric disturbance when they do get to know will be terrific, and
I simply won't have it to-night. I must have a quiet evening to think in
or else I shan't sleep. On the other hand, do you suppose I could sit
through dinner opposite you, and you knowing all about it and me knowing
all about it, and both of us pretending that there was nothing unusual
in the air? It's impossible. Either you'd give the show away, or I
should. Or I should burst out laughing. No! I can manage the situation
alone, but I can't manage it if you're there. Hence, lady, you will keep
your kind promise and hop into bed."
Without another word, but smiling in a most enigmatic manner, Mrs.
Prohack passed into the bedroom. The tyrant lit a cigarette, and
stretched himself all over the sofa. He thought:
"She's a great woman. She understands. Or at any rate she acts as if she
did. Now how many women in similar circumstances would have--" Etc. Etc.
He listened to her movements. He had not told her everything, for
example, the profiteering origin of the fortune, and he wondered whether
he had behaved quite nicely in not doing so.
"Arthur," she called from the bedroom.
"Hullo?"
"I do think this is really too silly."
"You're not paid to think, my girl."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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