Then let us heave the nuptial lead, In Hymen's port our anchors weighing; Thy face shall be the figure-head Our ship shall always be displaying. But when old age shall bid us luff, Our honest tack will never vary, But I'll continue Harry Bluff, And thou my little light-built Mary. * * * * * [Illustration: CUMULATIVE! _Tourist_ (_on Scotch steamer_). "I say, steward, how do you expect anybody to dry their hands on this towel? It's as wet as if it had been dipped in the sea!" _Steward._ "Aweel--depped or no depped, there's a hundred fouk hae used the toowl, and ye're the furrst that's grummelt!"] * * * * * [Illustration: The Margate excursion boat arrives at 2.30 P.M., after a rather boisterous passage. _Ticket Collector_ (_without any feeling_). "Ticket, sir! Thankye, sir! Boat returns at 3!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Mothers Pet._ "Oh, there's ma on the beach, looking at us, Alfred; let's make the boat lean over tremendously on one side!"] * * * * * WATER-PARTIES (_By Mr. Punch's Vagrant_) Take four pretty girls And four tidy young men; Add papa and mamma, And your number is ten. Having ten in your party You'll mostly be eight, For you'll find you can count Upon two to be late. In the packing of hampers 'Tis voted a fault To be rashly forgetful Of corkscrew and salt. Take a mayonnaised lobster, A tasty terrine, A salmon, some lamb And a gay galantine. Take fizz for the lads, Claret-cup for the popsies, And some tartlets with jam So attractive to woppses. Let the men do the rowing, And all acquire blisters; While the boats go zigzag, Being steered by their sisters. Then eat and pack up And return as you came. Though your comfort was _nil_, You had fun all the same. * * * * * [Illustration: THOSE BROWNS AND THEIR LUMINOUS PAINT AGAIN] * * * * * "SIC TRANSIT----" Just starting down Southampton Water in jolly old Bigheart's yacht, _The Collarbone_--or _Columbine_? I wonder which it is? Dear old Bigheart, the best fellow in the world, and enthusiastic about yachting. So am I (theoretically, and whilst in smooth water). Try to act as nautically as possible, and ask skipper at frequent intervals "How does she bear?" Don't know what it means; but, after all, what _does_ that matter? Skipper stares at me rather helplessly, and mutters something about "Nothe-nor-east-by-sou-sou-west." Feel that, with this lucid explanation, I ought to be satisfied, so turn away, assume cheery aspect and with a rolling gait seize the topsail-main-gaff-mizen sheet and pull it lustily, with a "Yo, heave ho!"