Mr. Punch Afloat: The Humours of Boating and Sailing — John Shaqi
Mr. Punch Afloat: The Humours of Boating and Sailing
General
Mr. Punch Afloat: The Humours of Boating and Sailing
Boats and boating -- Humor; English wit and humor; English wit and humor, Pictorial
Gestures even more eloquent than speech. Plainly mean that unless we are
alongside punctually at ten o'clock our blood, or rather our passage,
will be on our own heads. Spoils a morning; might have gone about town
till eleven o'clock; breakfasted at leisure; sauntered on board a few
minutes before noon. However, when in Marseilles chant the
"_Marseillaise_."
Down punctually at ten; found boat in course of loading; decks full of
dirt and noise, the shouting of men, the creaking of the winch, the
rattling of the chains. Best thing to do is to find our cabin, stow away
our baggage, and walk on the quay, always keeping our eye on the boat
lest she should suddenly slip her moorings and get off to sea without
us. Look out for steward. Like the Spanish fleet, steward is not yet in
sight. Roaming about below, come upon an elderly lady, with a lame leg,
an alarming squint, and a waist like a ship's. (Never saw a ship's
waist, but fancy no mortal man could get his arm round it.) The elderly
lady, who displayed signs of asthma, tells me she is the stewardess. Ask
her where is our cabin. "_Voilà_," she says. Following the direction of
her glance, I make for a berth close by. Discover I had not made
allowance for the squint; she is really looking in another direction.
Carefully taking my bearings by this new light, I make for another
passage; find it blocked up; stewardess explains that they are loading
the ship--apparently through the floor of our cabin. "_Tout à l'heure_,"
she says, with comprehensive wave of the hand.
Nothing to be done but leave our baggage lying about, go on deck, and
watch the loading. Better not leave the ship. If the laborious Frenchmen
in blouses and perspiration see our trunks, they will certainly pop them
into the hold, where all kinds of miscellaneous parcels, cases and bales
are being chucked without the slightest attempt at fitting in.
A quarter to twelve; only fifteen minutes now; getting hungry; had
coffee and bread and butter early so as not to miss the boat. Watch a
man below in the hold trying to fit in a bicycle with a
four-hundredweight bale, a quarter-ton case, and a barrel of cement.
Evidently piqued at resistance offered by the apparently frail,
defenceless contrivance. Tries to bend the fore wheel so as to
accommodate the cask; that failing, endeavours to wind the hind wheel
round the case; failing in both efforts, he just lays the bicycle loose
on the top of the miscellaneous baggage and the hatch is battened down.
In the dead unhappy night that followed, when the sea was on the deck, I
often thought of the bicycle cavorting to and fro over the serrated
ridge of the cargo.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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