[Illustration: AQUATICS--WHEN THE BEES ARE SWARMING] * * * * * [Illustration: PREHISTORIC PEEPS It is quite a mistake to suppose that Henley Regatta was not anticipated in earliest times.] * * * * * [Illustration] ON THE RIVER I sat in a punt at Twickenham, I've sat at Hampton Wick in 'em. I hate sea boats, I'm sick in 'em-- The man, I, Tom, and Dick in 'em. Oh, gentles! I've been pickin 'em. For bait, the man's been stickin 'em (Cruel!) on hooks with kick in 'em The small fish have been lickin 'em. And when the hook was quick in 'em, I with my rod was nickin 'em, Up in the air was flickin 'em. My feet so cold, kept kickin 'em. We'd hampers, with _aspic_ in 'em, Sandwiches made of chicken, 'em We ate, we'd stone jars thick, in 'em Good liquor; we pic-nic-ing 'em Sat: till our necks a rick in 'em We turned again t'wards Twickenham. And paid our punts, for tickin 'em They don't quite see at Twickenham. * * * * * [Illustration: THE ART OF CONVERSATION _British Tourist_ (_to fellow-passenger, in mid-Channel_). "Going across, I suppose?" _Fellow-Passenger._ "Yaas. Are you?"] * * * * * THE CHANNEL BAROMETER _Very fair._--Really delightful. Nothing could be pleasanter. Sunshine. Ozone. Does everyone a world of good. Would not miss such a passage for worlds. _Fair._--Yes; it is decidedly an improvement upon a railway carriage. Room to move about. I don't in the least mind the eighty odd minutes. If cold, you can put on a wrap, and there you are. _Change._--Always thought there was something to be said in favour of the Channel Tunnel. Of course, one likes to be patriotic, but the movement in a choppy sea is the reverse of invigorating. _Wind._--There should be a notice when a bad passage is expected. It's all very well to describe this as "moderate," but that doesn't prevent the beastly waves from running mountains high. _Stormy._--It is simply disgraceful. Would not have come if I had known. Too depressed to say anything. Where is the steward? _Gale._--Why--was--I--ever--born? * * * * * [Illustration: EUPHEMISM _Man in Boat._ "Come along, old chap, and let's pull up to Marlow." _Man on Shore._ "I think I'll get you to excuse me, old man. I don't like sculling--it--er--hurts the back of my head so!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A CRISIS _His Better and Stouter Half._ "Oh, Charley, if we're upset, you mean to say you expect me to get into _this_?" [_Horror-stricken husband has no answer ready._ ] * * * * * LOVE ON THE OCEAN They met, 'twas in a storm, On the deck of a steamer; She spoke in language warm, Like a sentimental dreamer.