[Illustration: "O WOMAN, IN OUR HOURS OF EASE!" "Poor soul, 'e do look lonely all by 'isself! Ain't you glad you've got us with you, 'Enry?"] * * * * * HERE AND THERE If you were only here, George, I think--in fact, I know, We'd get a girl to steer, George, And take a boat and row; And, striking mighty bubbles From each propulsive blade, Forget that life had troubles At ninety in the shade. We'd swing along together, And cheerily defy This toasting, roasting weather, This sunshine of July. Our feather might be dirty, Our style might not be great; But style for men of thirty (And more) is out of date. You'd note with high elation-- I think I see you now-- The beaded perspiration That gathered on your brow. Oh, by that brow impearled, George, And by that zephyr wet, I vow in all the world, George, There's nothing like a "sweat." To row as if it mattered, Just think of what it means: All cares and worries shattered To silly smithereens. To row on such a day, George, And feel the sluggish brain, Its cobwebs brushed away, George, Clear for its work again! But you at Henley linger, While I am at Bourne-End. You will not stir a finger To come and join your friend. This much at least is clear, George: We cannot row a pair So long as I am here, George, And you remain up there. * * * * * "PERILS OF THE DEEP."--_Unprotected Female_ (_awaking old Gent, who is not very well_). "Oh, mister, would you find the captain? I'm sure we're in danger! I've been watching the man at the wheel; he keeps turning it round first one way and then the other, and evidently doesn't know his own mind!!" * * * * * [Illustration: A HONEYMOON OUTING _Ernest_ (_faintly_). "Vera, darling, I do believe I'm the worst sailor on earth!" _Vera_ (_ditto_). "I wouldn't mind _that_ so much, if _I_ wasn't so bad on the water!"] * * * * * [Illustration: VERY CONSIDERATE _Steward._ "Will either of you, gentlemen, dine on board? There's a capital hot dinner at three o'clock."] * * * * * A QUIET DAY ON THE THAMES (_Dedicated to the Thames Conservancy_) 9 A.M.--Got out my boat, and made immediately for the centre of the stream. 10 A.M.--Spent some three-quarters of an hour in attempting to avoid the swell of the City steamboats. Within an ace of being swamped by one of them. 11 A.M.--Run into by a sailing-barge. Only saved by holding on to a rope, and pushing my boat aground. 12 NOON.--Aground. 1 P.M.--After getting into deep water again, was immediately run into by a coal-barge. Exchange of compliments with the crew thereof.