_She._ "Ah, well--it was very beautiful, all the same--all about love and death, you know!" _He._ "Who wrote the piece, then?" _She._ "Who wrote the piece? Oh--er--well--his name's sure to be on the bill somewhere--at least I _suppose_ it is!"] * * * * * FROM OUR GENERAL THEATRICAL FUND.--Why would a good-natured dramatic critic be a valuable specimen in an anatomical museum? Because he takes to pieces easily. * * * * * MEM. BY A MANAGER To say "boo" to a goose requires some doing. In theatres 'tis the goose who does the "booing," And though a man may do the best he can, sir, _Anser_ will hiss, though hissing may not answer! * * * * * REVISED VERSION OF SHAKSPEARE "A POOR player, Who struts and frets his hour on the stage, And then--goes in society." * * * * * [Illustration: A solo on the horn] * * * * * [Illustration: AFTER THE PERFORMANCE.--_Rupert the Reckless (Tompkins, a distinguished amateur from town)._ "Now, I call it a beastly shame, Jenkins; you haven't ordered that brute of yours off my togs, and you know I can't go back to the inn like _this_."] * * * * * [Illustration: SCENES FROM MR. PUNCH'S PANTOMIME. Scene I.--The Tragic Mews] * * * * * [Illustration: SCENES FROM MR. PUNCH'S PANTOMIME. Scene II.--The Comic Mews] * * * * * [Illustration: AMBIGUOUS.--_First Actress._ "Oh, my dear, I'm feeling so chippy! I think I shall send down a doctor's certificate to-night, to say I can't act." _Second Ditto._ "Surely a certificate isn't necessary, dear?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Tenor (at amateur concert)._ "It's my turn next, and I'm so nervous I should like to run away. Would you mind accompanying me, Miss Brown?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Mrs. Smith._ "This is a very unpleasant piece, don't you think? There's certainly a great deal to be done yet in the way of elevating the stage." _Mr. Jones (who hasn't been able to get a glimpse of the stage all the afternoon)._ "Well--er--it would come to much the same thing if you ladies were to lower your hats!"] * * * * * [Illustration: OUR THEATRICALS.--_The Countess._ "Will this cruel war _never_ end? Day after day I watch and wait, straining every nerve to catch the sound of the trumpet that will tell me of my warrior's return. But, hark! what is that I hear?" [_Stage direction.--"Trumpet faintly heard in distance." But we hadn't rehearsed that, and didn't explain the situation quite clearly to the local cornet-player who helped us on the night._ ] * * * * *