_Talented Husband_ (_author of various successful comic songs for music halls, writer of pantomimes and variety-show libretti_). "Oh, for goodness sake, Lucy, don't bother me _now_! You might _see_ I'm trying to work out some _quite_ new lines for the fairy in the transformation scene of the pantomime!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A SENSITIVE EAR. _Intelligent Briton._ "But we have no theatre, no actors worthy of the name, mademoiselle! Why, the English delivery of blank verse is simply torture to an ear accustomed to hear it given its full beauty and significance by a Bernhardt or a Coquelin!" _Mademoiselle._ "Indeed? I have never heard Bernhardt or Coquelin recite English blank verse!" _Intelligent Briton._ "Of course not. I mean _French_ blank verse--the blank verse of Corneille, Racine, Molière!" _Mademoiselle._ "Oh, monsieur, there is no such thing!" [_Briton still tries to look intelligent._ ] * * * * * DUMB-CRAMBO'S GUIDE TO THE LONDON THEATRES [Illustration: Drew wry lane] [Illustration: Cove in garden] [Illustration: Cry-teary 'un] [Illustration: Prints of whales] [Illustration: "A--mark it!"] [Illustration: Gay at tea] [Illustration: Princesses and royal tea] [Illustration: Globe] [Illustration: "Scent, James?"] [Illustration: Strand and "save, hoi!"] [Illustration: Only in play!] [Illustration: The actor who has his head turned with applause] * * * * * [Illustration: CURTAIN-RAISERS _ Extract from Ethel's correspondence_:--"At the last moment something went wrong with the curtain, and we had to do without one! It was awful! But the Rector explained matters to the front row, and they came to the rescue _nobly_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "Well, how did the new play go off last night?" "Oh, there was a sleep-walking scene in the third act that was rather effective." "_À la Lady Macbeth_, eh?" "Well--not exactly. It was the audience that got up in its sleep and walked out!"] * * * * * [Illustration: MUSIC HALL TYPES I.--The "Lion Comique"] * * * * * [Illustration: MUSIC HALL TYPES II.--The "Serio"] * * * * * [Illustration: MUSIC HALL TYPES III.--The "Refined Comedian"] * * * * * [Illustration: ON TOUR.--_Heavy Tragedian._ "Do you let apartments to--ah--the profession?" _Unsophisticated Landlady._ "Oh, yes, sir. Why, last week we had the performing dogs here!"] * * * * * [Illustration: ART AND NATURE. (_Overheard during the Private Theatricals._)-- _She._ "How well your wife plays _Lady Geraldine_, Mr. Jones. I think the way she puts on that awful affected tone is just splendid. How _does_ she manage it?" _Mr. Jones_ (_with embarrassment_). "Er--she doesn't. That's her natural voice."]