MR. KIPLING writes: "Through dirt, sweat, burns, bursts, smells, bumps, breakdowns, and explosions I have attained to the perfect joy of the scorcher. I have suffered much on the southern British highways. My Tibetan devil-mask shall therefore add to their terrors. Besides, I wore gig-lamps at school. What do they know of Sussex who only Burwash know?" MR. BEERBOHM TREE telephones: "The most beautiful of all arts is that of make-up. We cannot all resemble _Caliban_, but why should not the motorist aspire in that direction? Life is but a masque, and all roads lead to 'His Majesty's.'" Miss MARIE CORELLI telegraphs: "I am all for anonymity and everything that tends to the avoidance of advertisement. If people must ride in motors, let them have the decency to disguise themselves as effectually as possible, and shun all contact with their kind." Mr. JEM SMITH, cabdriver, in the course of an interview, said: "Masks? Not 'arf! Let 'em out on the Fifth of November, and throw a match in their oil-tanks--that's what _I_'d do! _I_'d anonymous the lot of 'em!" POLICEMAN XX. (in the _rôle_ of a labourer behind a hedge on the Brighton road): "'Oo are you a-gettin' at? Do you see any mote in my eye? If you want to know the time, I've a stop-watch!" * * * * * Illustration: DIVISION OF LABOUR.--It is not the business of ducal footmen to clean the family bicycles. The ladies Ermyntrude and Adelgitha have to do it themselves. * * * * * _Enthusiastic Motorist_ (_to Perfect Stranger_). _I_ swear by petrol, sir; always use it myself. Now what, may I ask, do _you_ use? _Perfect Stranger._ Oats! * * * * * Illustration: JUGGERNAUTICAL.--_Unfortunate Cyclist_ (_who has been bowled over by motor-car_). "Did you see the number?" _Jarge._ "Yes, there was three on 'em. Two men and a woman." * * * * * Illustration: EXPECTATION.--The Browns welcoming the Robinsons (awfully jolly people, don't you know,) from whom they have had a letter saying that they will arrive early in the day by motor. * * * Illustration: REALISATION.--The Browns, when the arrivals have removed their motor glasses, etc., disclosing not the Robinsons, but those awful bores, the Smiths. * * * * * THERE WAS A NEW WOMAN (_Neo-Nursery Rhyme_)