Wonder whether my second fall in five minutes beats the record. Wonder, considering the difficulty of progressing half a dozen paces in as many minutes, how those marvellous feats are performed at Olympia. Wonder if I shall ever advance upon my present rate of speed, _i.e._, three-quarters of a mile an hour. Wonder, finally, if the placards warning cyclists in Battersea Park against the dangers of "furious riding" can possibly be posted for my edification. * * * * * THE SCORCHER He travels along at the top of his speed, You might think that his life was at stake; To beauties of nature he never pays heed, For the record he's trying to break. He stiffens his muscles and arches his back As if he were still on the cinder-path track. He races regardless of life and of limb, Caring naught for the folk in his way; For chickens and children are nothing to him, And his mad career nothing can stay; So wildly he wheels as if urged by a goad; By coachmen he's christened "the curse of the road." He'll pass on the left and he'll ride on the right, For the rules of the road caring naught; His lamp he will not take the trouble to light Till a pretty smart lesson he's taught. But lecture and fine him as much as you will, The trail of the scorcher is over him still. * * * * * RHYME FOR RECORD-MAKERS Rattle-it, rattle-it, "Biking" man; Make us a "record" as fast as you can; Score it, and print it as large as life, And someone will "cut" it ere you can say knife! * * * * * Illustration: Unwilling to give up horses altogether, Captain Pelham effected a compromise. His first appearance in the park created quite a sensation. * * * * * Illustration: FLATTERY--WITH AN OBJECT _Jocasta_ (_with an axe of her own to grind, ingratiatingly_). "Oh yes, papa, it does suit you. I never saw you look so nice in anything before!" * * * * * Illustration: MEMS FOR MOTORISTS.--If your car suddenly appears to drag heavily, you may be sure there is something to account for it. * * * * * Illustration: "Have you ever tried riding without the handles? It's delightfully easy, all but the corners." * * * Illustration: !!! So it seems! * * * * * BROKEN ON THE WHEEL