"Peace, peace!" said Jane. "Compose yourself, ducky--that is Plantagenet. Forgive the slip. I am agitated. My mind runs on slips." The Duke groaned. "Horrid, awful slips!" With a countenance of alabaster he tore at his sandy top-knot. "I have deceived you. I admit it. Stooped to folly." A supercilious cry rent the air as the Duke staggered on his patrician limbs. With womanly impulse--flinging caste to the winds--Jane caught the majestic form to her palpitating alpaca, and, watering his beloved features with Duchessy drops, cried in passionate accents, "My King! My Sensitive Plant! Heavens! It's his unlucky back! Be calm, Plantagenet. I have--been--learning--to--_bike_! There! On the sly!" The Duke flapped a reviving toe, and squeezed the august fingers. "I am madly enamoured of--my machine." The peer smoothed a ruffled top-knot with ineffable grace. "Likewise am determined _you_ shall take lessons. Now it is no use, duky. I mean to be tender but firm with you." The Potentate gave a stertorous chortle, and, stretching out his arms, fell in a strawberry-leaf swoon on the parquet floor, his ducal head on the lap of his adored Jane. * * * * * Illustration: THE FREEMASONRY OF THE WHEEL.--"Rippin' wevver fer hus ciciklin' chaps, ain't it?" * * * * * Illustration: BROTHERS IN ADVERSITY _Farmer._ "Pull up, you fool! The mare's bolting!" _Motorist._ "So's the car!" * * * * * Illustration: QUITE RESPECTFUL _Fair Cyclist._ "Is that the incumbent of this parish?" _Parishioner._ "Well, 'e's the _Vicar_. But, wotever some of us thinks, we never calls 'im a _hencumbrance_!" * * * * * Illustration: _Gipsy Fortune-teller_ (_seriously_). "Let me warn you. Somebody's going to cross your path." _Motorist._ "Don't you think you'd better warn the other chap?" * * * * * THE SCORCHER (_After William Watson_) I do not, in the crowded street Of cab and "'bus" and mire, Nor in the country lane so sweet, Hope to escape thy tyre. One boon, oh, scorcher, I implore, With one petition kneel, At least abuse me not before Thou break me on thy wheel. * * * * * Illustration: A motorist wishes to point out the very grave danger this balloon-scorching may become, and suggests a speed limit be made before things go too far. * * * * * THE MUGGLETON MOTOR-CAR; OR, THE WELLERS ON WHEELS _A Pickwickian Fragment Up-to-date_