_Native._ "Yes, miss, yew seem to me to ha' got 'em on all right!" * * * * * SO UNSELFISH!--"Oh yes, I gave my husband a motor-car on his birthday." "But I thought he didn't like motor-cars!" "He doesn't. But I _do_!" * * * * * _Q._ Why is the lady bikist of an amorous disposition? _A._ Because she is a sigh-cling creature. * * * * * Illustration: CROWDED OUT.--_Stage-struck Coster_ (_to his dark-coloured donkey_). "Othello, Othello, _your_ occupation 'll soon be gone!" * * * * * HINTS FOR BIKING BEGINNERS 1. Insure your life and limbs. The former will benefit your relations, the latter yourself. 2. Learn on a hired machine. The best plan is to borrow a machine from a friend. It saves hiring. Should the tyre become punctured, the brake be broken, the bell cracked, the lamp missing, and the gear out of gear, you will return it as soon as possible, advising your friend to provide himself with a stronger one next time. 3. Practise on some soft and smooth ground. For example, on a lawn; the one next door for choice. A muddy road, although sufficiently soft, is not recommended--the drawbacks are obvious. 4. Choose a secluded place for practising. It may at first sight appear somewhat selfish to deprive your neighbours of a gratuitous performance which would be certain to amuse them. Nevertheless, be firm. 5. Get someone to hold you on. Engage a friend in an interesting conversation while you mount your bicycle. Do you remember _Mr. Winkle's_ dialogue with _Sam Weller_ when he attempted skating? You can model your conversation on this idea. Friend will support you while you ride and talk. Keep him at it. It will be excellent exercise for _him_, physically and morally. Also economical for _you_; as, otherwise, you would have to pay a runner. 6. Don't bike; trike. * * * * * A NEW TERROR.--_Johnson._ Hullo, Thompson, you look peekish. What's wrong? _Thompson._ The vibration of motor-carring has got on my liver. _Johnson._ I see, automobilious! * * * * * ON THE BRIGHTON ROAD.--_Cyclist_ (_to owner of dog over which he has nearly ridden_). Take your beast out of my way! What right has he here? _Owner._ Well, he pays seven and sixpence a year for the privilege of perambulation, and _you_ pay nothing! * * * * * THE VERY OLDEST MOTOR-CAR.--The whirligig of time. * * * * * Illustration: "Hi! Whip behind!" "Yah! 'E ain't got none!" * * * * * Illustration: ADDING INSULT TO INJURY.--_Tramp Photographer._ "Now, sir, just as you are for a shillin'!" [_And little Binks, who prides himself upon his motor driving, is trying his best to get his wife to promise not to tell anyone about the smash._] * * * * *