Illustration: THE RETORT CURTEOUS.--_Motorist_ (_cheerfully--to fellow-guest in house party_). "What luck? Killed anything?" _Angler_ (_bitterly_). "No. Have you?" * * * * * Illustration: _Vicar's Daughter._ "Oh, Withers, your mistress tells me you are saving up to take a little shop and look after your mother. I think it is such a sweet idea!" _Withers._ "Well, yes, miss, I did think of it; but now I've got the money I've changed my mind, and I'm going to buy myself one of these 'ere bicycles instead!" * * * * * Illustration: A STORY WITHOUT WORDS * * * * * Illustration: THE INFERENCE.--_Giles_ (_who has been rendering "first aid" to wrecked motor-cyclist_). "Naw, marm, I doan't think as 'e be a married man, 'cos 'e says _this_ be the worst thing wot 'as ever 'appened to un!" * * * * * Illustration: SAVING THE SITUATION _Effie_ (_to whom a motor-brougham is quite a novelty_). "Oh, mummy dear, look! There's a footman and a big coachman on the box, and there isn't a horse or even a pony! What _are_ they there for?" _Mummy dear_ (_not well versed in electricity and motor-mechanism_). "Well, you see, Effie dear--the--(_by a happy inspiration_) but, dear, you're not old enough to understand." * * * * * The _Daily Mail_ has discovered that the "Motor-Cough" is "caused by the minute particles of dust raised by motor-cars which lodge themselves in the laryngeal passage." If people _will_ use their gullets as garages, what can they expect? * * * * * Illustration: _Horsey Wag_ (_to Mr. and Mrs. Tourey, who are walking up a hill_). "And do you always take your cycles with you when you go for a walk?" * * * * * IN EAST DORSETSHIRE.--_Cyclist (to Native)._ How many miles am I from Wimborne? _Native._ I dunno. _Cyclist._ Am I near Blandford? _Native._ I dunno. _Cyclist (angrily)._ Then what do you know? _Native._ I dunno. [_Cyclist speeds to No Man's Land in the New Forest._ * * * * * OUR BARTERERS BICYCLE.--Thoroughly heavy, lumbering, out-of-date machine, recently doctored up to look like new, for sale. Cost, second-hand, six years ago, £4. Will take £12 for it. Bargain. Would suit a dyspeptic giant, or a professional strong man in want of violent exercise. SAFETY CYCLE.--Pneumatic tyres. A real beauty. Makers well known in Bankruptcy Court. Owner giving up riding in consequence of the frame being thoroughly unsafe, and the tyres constantly bursting. Would exchange for one of Broadwood's grand pianos or a freehold house in the country. * * * * * Illustration: THE ? OF THE DAY.--Should there be a speed (and dust) limit? * * * * *