I no longer teach my classes Their Shakespeare and the glasses, And the uses of the globes, as was my custom; But all they'll learn from me Is to ride the iron gee-- All other lessons utterly disgust 'em! The girls no more will meddle With the painful piano-pedal, They'll only touch the pedal of their "Humber"; Like their grannies, they begin At an early age to "spin," But the road it is their spinning-wheels encumber. So wheeling now my trade is, And finishing young ladies In the proper kind of bicycling deportment; _I_'m nearly finished, too, And battered black and blue, For of falls I've had a pretty large assortment! * * * * * WOE ON THE WHEEL. There was a "scorching" girl, who came down an awful purl, And scarified her nose, and scarred her forehead. She thought, when first she rode, biking very, _very_ good, But now she considers it horrid! * * * * * Illustration: _Winny_ (_one mile an hour_) _to Annie_ (_two miles an hour_). "Scorcher!" * * * * * THE FAVOURITE OF THE MOTOR-CARS.--_Pet_roleum. * * * * * In England, says a French writer, motoring is not considered a sport because it does not involve killing anything. This is but one more example of Continental aspersion. * * * * * As a result of his trip over the Gordon-Bennett course, the Roman Catholic Archbishop of Dublin now recommends the motor-car for pastoral visits. This will be no new thing. For years past some people have looked on the motor-car in the light of a visitation. * * * * * CYCLING CONUNDRUM.--_Q._ What article of the cyclist girl's attire do a couple of careless barbers recall to mind? _A._ A pair of nickers. * * * * * Motorists are still expressing their indignation at a recent disgraceful incident when one of their number, because he could not pay a fine at once, was taken to prison, and forced to don ugly convict garb in the place of his becoming goggles and motor coat. * * * * * Illustration: _Engineer._ "There's certainly a screw loose somewhere." _Simple Simon_ (_with gleeful satisfaction_). "He-he! I knaws where 't be too!" _Car Owner_ (_intensely interested_). "What do you mean, boy?" _Simple Simon._ "He-he! Why I've got 'un! All the folks say as 'ow I've got a screw loose somewheres!" * * * * * WHEELS WITHIN WHEELS _Dialogue between two Young Gentlemen, dressed in Knickerbocker Suits, Gaiters, and Golf caps. They have the indescribable air which proclaims the votary of the "Bike"._ _First Young Gentleman._ Yes; I certainly agree with the French view of it. Cycling shouldn't be indulged in without care.