The poor Markiss was so horryfied at his brillyant sucksess, that Charles’s sanguinery corpse aunted his bed-side, and he died within a month, a leetle munth, as _Amlet_ says, of the dredful ewent, and Charles married his Widder. But, orful to relate, within a werry short time Charles was a sorrowin’ Widderer, with a nincum of sum £10,000 a year; and having purchased a Itallien titel for a hundred and fifty pound, it is said as he intends shortly to return to hold Hingland; and as the lovely Countess of Belgravier is fortnetly becum a Widder, and a yung one, it is thought quite posserbel, by them as is behind the seens, like myself, for instance, that before many more munce is past and gone, there will be one lovely Widder and one andsum Widderer less than there is now; and we is all on us ankshushly looking forred to the day wen the gallant Count der Wennis shall lead his lovely Bride to the halter of St. George’s, Hannower Squeer, thus proving the truth of the Poet’s fabel,-- “The rank is but the guinny’s stamp, The Footman’s the man for a’ that.” * * * * * AWKWARD.--_Miss Fillip_ (_to Young Gentleman, who has taken her in to dinner at Olympia Manor_). “You say that you don’t shoot, hunt, fish, drive, or ride, and that you hate cycling. Now, what on earth are you staying here for?” _Young Gentleman_ (_languidly_). “Because I can’t afford to live anywhere else in the winter.” [_Then it flashes across Miss F. that she is talking to a younger son of the house._ * * * * * [Illustration: FORM! “Good Heavens! What a swell! What is it? Tea fight? Wedding breakfast?” “Oh no; only going to my tailor’s. _Must_ be decently dressed when I go to see _him_. He’s so beastly critical!”] * * * * * [Illustration: EN PASSANT _He._ “That’s that ass, Bounderson, isn’t it? He should have been drowned as a _puppy_!” _She._ “There’s time enough _yet_, isn’t there?”] * * * * * [Illustration: _Fair Girl_ (_on sofa, to her neighbour during New Year’s Eve Festivity_). “How delightful it must be for you, Mrs. Featherstone, to hear all the dear Professor’s lectures!” _Mrs. Featherstone._ “Oh, _I_ never hear his lectures. But _he_’ll have to hear one of _mine_ to-night!”] * * * * * [Illustration: A TERRIBLE VENGEANCE “Well, Mr. Softley, did you revenge yourself on Algy since that quarrel you had with him?” “Yes, indeed. I ordered my man to be wude to his man when he meets him.”] * * * * * [Illustration: _Little Timkins_ (_to gorgeous chappie_). “Excuse me, old boy, but _who_ are you in _mourning_ for?”] * * * * * [Illustration: REFLECTED GLORY _Shopman._ “Here! Hi! Are you his Grace the Duke of Bayswater?” _Magnificent Flunkey._ “I ham!”]