6 P.M.--Arrive. Refuse to hire a _voiture_. Tell the omnibus conductor, with the aid of the Phrase-book, that his tariff of fares is "utterly ridiculous." Set out on foot in search of a _gasthaus_ of moderate pretensions, where no English have been to demoralise the landlord and raise the prices. 7. P.M.--Still searching. 8 P.M.--Ditto. 9 P.M.--Ditto. 10 P.M.--Ditto. 11 P.M.--Find what we want at last, in a dark alley, turning out of a side street, running precipitously to the river. Dine at the late _table d'hôte_ with one commercial traveller, on pickled cherries, raw bacon, cabbage, sugar biscuits, horseflesh, and petrified figs. 12 MIDNIGHT.--Retire, and have nightmare. 1 A.M.--Endeavour to sleep on three chairs and a washhand-stand. Can't. Determine to write to the _Times_. 2 A.M.--Left writing. [Illustration: A DECLARATION INDEED! "Avez-vous quelquechose à déclarer, madame?" "Oh, wee! Je declar que noos avong pairdew too no baggarge!"] [Illustration: LE PIED ANGLAIS _Bathing Woman_ (_to English lady_). "Voilà, madame, une belle paire de chaussons." (_Noticing disapproval in visitor's face._) "Ah, madame n'en veut pas? Je suis désolée, mais, pour le moment, il ne me reste pas de plus grands."] [Illustration: AT THE PARIS EXHIBITION _He._ "There is Madame Chose flirting with a nigger! Why, she is only quite recently a widow." _She._ "Ah, that accounts for her choice. She is in mourning, and the black suits her!"] TOASTS FOR TRAVELLERS (_By our Continental Cynic_) Amiens--and may the cathedral compensate for the break of the journey. Boulogne--and may the bathing on the sands never land you in a hole. Calais--and may the luncheon at the buffet wipe away the recollection of a dusty passage. Dieppe--and may the comforts of an English hotel counterbalance the thraldom of foreign fashions. Evian-les-Bains--and may the waters be worthy of their reputation. Florence--and may the pictures soothe the irritation caused by an indifferent _table d'hôte_. Genoa--and may the view wash away the recollection of Italian uncleanliness. Heidelberg--and may the popular ruins survive the vulgarity of the personally conducted. Interlaken--and may sunset on the mountain be not disappointing. Jura--and may the pass satisfy general expectation. Kissingen--and may it be worth the bother of getting to it. Lucerne--and may its advertised "loveliness" not cause it to become impossible. Mannheim--and may its distance from anywhere not be a drawback to its few additional attractions. Nuremberg--and may its toys be worth the journey and the seeing. Naples--and may it not become necessary, owing to epidemics, to die there immediately after its inspection. Ouchy--and may it be a pleasant surprise after Lausanne. Rome--and may its monuments be seen without contracting its fever. St. Malo--and may it be reached without running aground in the neighbourhood of the Channel Islands.