_Pawkins._--Because they're so accustomed to the pitching of the ship. * * * * * [Illustration] * * * * * [Illustration: _Bluejacket_ (_who has been hauled twice round the sick bay, yelling inarticulately, by the surgeon with the forceps_). "Why, you 'ad me by the tongue!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A VERBAL DIFFICULTY. _Irritable Captain._ "Your barrel's disgracefully dirty, sir, and it's not the first time; I've a good mind to----" _Private Flannigan._ "Shure, sor, I niver----" _Captain_ (_Irish too_). "Silence, sir, when you spake to an officer!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE ROYAL SALUTE.--_Officer in charge of battery_ (_in a fever lest the time of firing should be a second late_). "Why, what are you about, No. 6? Why don't you serve the sponge?" _Bombardier McGuttle._ "Hoots toots! Can na' a body blaw their nose?"] * * * * * [Illustration: TACTICS. _Instructor._ "Well, gentlemen, I have endeavoured to explain to you the theoretical principles governing the movements of the various portions of a combined force; but I must warn you, that, in practice on an ordinary field-day, you will probably find it result in hopeless confusion; while on active service it will be ten times worse!"] * * * * * [Illustration: CONCLUSIVE! _Volunteer Colonel_ (_swell brewer_). "I'm afraid, Mr. Jenkins, you had been indulging in potations that were too strong for you!" [_Private J. was being "called over the coals" for insubordination at the inspection._] _Private Jenkins_ (_who is still wearing his bayonet on the wrong side_). "Oh, I couldn't have been drunk, sir, for I never had no more than one pint o' your ale all the blessed day!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Register-keeper._ "Major Jones first to count. A miss--nothing." _Major Jones._ "I say, sergeant, that's almost an Irish bull, I fancy!" _Register-keeper._ "No, sorr, just a simple English miss!"] * * * * * [Illustration: OUR YEOMANRY. _Sergeant Major._ "Number three, where's your sword?" _Recruit_ (_who finds practice very different from theory_). "On the ground. Carn't see 'un?"] * * * * * MILITARY DIALOGUES I ARMY REFORM SCENE.--_The drawing-room of the Colonel's quarters, decorated with trophies from many lands and water-colour sketches. Mrs. Bulkwise, the Colonel's wife, a tall, broad and assertive lady, is giving tea to Mrs. Lyttleton-Cartwright, with the stamp of fashion upon her, and Mrs. Karmadine, who has a soul for art--both ladies of the regiment. Colonel Bulkwise, a small and despondent man whose hair is "part-worn" gazes morosely into the fire_.