["It has been decreed in several line battalions that in future no soldier will be allowed to walk arm-in-arm in the street with a female."--_Daily Paper._] ] * * * * * [Illustration: "Oh! I say! 'E 'as got eyes after all!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Doctor._ "Don't feel well, eh? Appetite all right?" _Tommie._ "Eat like a wolf, sir." _Doctor._ "Sleep well?" _Tommie._ "As sound as a dog, sir." _Doctor._ "Oh, you'd better see the vet.!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE JOKE THAT FAILED _Lubber._ "I say, Jack, do you know why they've painted the ships grey in time of _peace_?" _Jack._ "I s'pose 'cos it's a _neutral_ tint!" [_But the other didn't laugh. He intended making that witticism himself._ ] * * * * * [Illustration: SCENE ON BOARD H.M.S.---- "I say, why am I like the Queen's chief cook? Do you give it up?" "Yes." "Because I am in a high cool-and-airy (_culinary_) position." [_Astonished cadet nearly falls from the yard_. You young monkey, how dare you joke up in the air like that? However, we look over it this time.--_Punch_] * * * * * [Illustration: An economical mode of putting troops into white trowsers.] * * * * * REGULATIONS FOR YEOMANRY OUTPOSTS (_Aldershot Edition_) 1. Never recognise your enemy when you meet him on the road, in case you might be compelled to take him prisoner and so cause unpleasantness and unseemly disturbance. 2. Advanced guards should walk quietly and without ostentation into the enemy's main body, and be careful never to look behind bushes, trees, or buildings for an unobtrusive cyclist patrol. To do so might cause the enemy annoyance. 3. An advance guard, if surrounded, will surrender without noise or alarm. To make any would disturb the main body, who like to march in a compact and regular formation. 4. Never allow your common-sense to overcome your natural modesty so far as to induce you to report to a superior officer the presence of the enemy in force. You will only acquire a reputation for officiousness by doing so. 5. Always attack an enemy in front. It is unsportsmanlike and unprofessional to attack the flanks. 6. When retiring before an attack maintain as close a formation as the ground will admit of, and retire directly upon the main infantry support. You will thus expose yourselves to the fire of both your own friends and the enemy, and as blank cartridge hurts nobody it will add to the excitement of the operation. 7. It is more important to roll your cloaks and burnish your bits than to worry about unimportant details of minor tactics. 8. Since a solitary horseman never attracts the enemy's attention, be careful to take up a position in compact formation; to do so by files might escape observation.